A friend asked me just today what God has been teaching me through the past two weeks. I wasn't sure how to answer -- and then I remembered.
In the midst of hurt and frustration, Jesus met me one day.
It was in choir. It was the end of the day. I was sick of being sick. Tuesday, I was barely making it through the day, and sat throughout choir rehearsal without singing a single note. I was frustrated, I was pushing my way through the day, and I had my mind on what the doctor was going to tell me that Thursday.
And then we had our choir devotions. As one of the student leaders shared about the life of singer Rich Mullins, she played a song that left me in tears.
Jesus met me through this song. As it played, I stopped to let the words of the chorus wash over me. "And if I can't, let me fall on the grace.... And if I weep, let me weep as a man who is longing for his home."
Longing for home. All of a sudden, the earthly hopes and dreams I so easily cling to seemed to pale in comparison with the heavenly reality. My heart felt reminded that this world is just a passing moment, that it is not my home.
Romans 8:18-21 reads, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.... in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay." (ESV, emphasis mine)
Friends, if the creation waits with eager longing for that glory, for that restoration, why does it take sickness for me to long for it? I, who feel the effects of the physical curse, but also the sin nature?
Why does my heart have a list of things I want to accomplish before my Savior comes for me? Why don't I wish that He would come and redeem this world so that I can glorify Him more perfectly?
And there, sitting in a choir chair surrounded by forty women, my heart was longing. As I wiped away the tears and left the room, I praised God for breaking my heart of its earthly focus.
So now, I wait, with eager longing, because one day my body will be set free from its bondage to decay.
With love from an absolute doll,
P.S. -- For those wanting an update on my health, the basic gist is that the specialist thinks I have more going on than just asthma and that it's very treatable with therapy. I still have more tests, and would appreciate your prayers. Things are looking up!
P.P.S. -- The song shared in choir was "If I Stand" by Rich Mullins. Look soon for a post on the list of songs God has used to encourage me over the past few weeks.