Saturday, August 27, 2011

I didn't plan on this

When I laid out the plan for my life five years ago, it looked a little different than it does today.

I planned to major in piano, go on for at least a master's degree and maybe a doctorate. I planned to perform, to teach, to travel. I wanted to live in a city, to enjoy having easy access to concerts and coffee. I planned to practice for hours on end, to be able to easily play whatever pieces I wanted to play, and to do everything my heart desired.

Chronic asthma wasn't in the plan.

This week, I experienced another setback as my lungs tried to adjust to the city, and ended up in a doctor's office getting another round of intensive medication.

Caring friends have asked questions as I've opened the year with another episode of sickness, and this year, I have to explain that this is normal now.

Normal. When I planned out "normal" five years ago, it didn't mean cutting pieces out of my senior recital program so I could physically handle it. It didn't mean traveling with a nebulizer machine, face masks, licorice tea, and a daily pile of prescription medications. It didn't mean rationing my energy and dropping everything for a doctor's appointment. It didn't mean learning to say, "I can't."

Normal was supposed to be different. This wasn't my plan.

And as I grope with the new definition of "normal," I ask why. I wrestle with God. I beg for an explanation. In my heart, I scream, "This isn't fair!"

Then, I'm reminded of a simple truth.

Life isn't fair.

Life isn't about my plans, it isn't about my dreams, it isn't about my desire for normal -- whatever "normal" is. It's about glorifying God and enjoying Him forever. I was created to serve Him, and He rejoices over me with singing. (Zeph. 3:17)

And as unfair as it seems to go through this for some purpose that I can't even see, I'm reminded of the greatest example of all...

It doesn't fit my definition of "fair" that Christ took the punishment for my sin. My Savior didn't lead a "normal" life, where He got to fulfill every dream and ambition without obstruction. The Creator of the universe dealt with pain and suffering as He lived and died on this earth, glorifying the Father and serving me.

And incredibly enough, we read in Scripture that this was all part of the plan.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

1 comment:

  1. Well-said, and arresting.

    It's good to know that God's "normal" for us is better than the "normal" we were planning.