Midnight Ramblings: Thoughts About Almighty God

Before you read this post, sit and think for a couple minutes about the God you serve. I mean literally do it, not just think, "oh, I'll read this blog post and then maybe do it if I feel like it or if I have time." No... I want you to actually stop and dwell on almighty God for a couple minutes. Set a timer if you have to.

Fifty percent of you are probably still reading my blog post without stopping and thinking. Do it NOW.

Okay... assuming (hoping!) that you have done that, what did you realize? Did it occur to you in those two minutes that this God we are privileged to serve created the world? Just by talking? I talk... a lot. :) But I never create anything that way. The fact that there is a God up there who created an entire universe just by telling it to come into existence should drive me to my knees -- even before I stop and acknowledge that on top of creating the world, this God is glorious, magnificent, and powerful.

As Christians, we throw around a lot of words about God. We talk quite often about how "holy" God is, or how "sovereign" He is. Stop and think about what those words mean for just a second. God is holy, set apart. He is completely untouchable by my sinful being. We talk a lot more about how loving God is than about how holy He is. God is sovereign, powerful, ruler of all. That means He's in charge, whether I like it or not. Over and over again I'm told to surrender everything to God, to "let" Him run my life. God doesn't need me to "let" Him run my life. He just offers me the opportunity to make it less painful by agreeing to His control.

I've heard a lot of people talk about God's love and grace. Honestly, I'd be on a road headed straight for hell if it weren't for His grace. I'm not trying to say here that God is an evil killjoy in the sky. He's not. He loves me, and He's going to do what's best for me. God may be holy and untouchable, but He chose to become touchable in the form of Jesus Christ. He chose to bridge the gap, so now I can communicate with a holy God. But still, God's love and grace only make sense and are only beautiful in the framework of His holiness and sovereignty.

This is a God that doesn't need me. (If this sounds like a harsh statement, read Acts 17:24-25.) This is a God that could have simply started over after the fall. Yet for some, unexplainable reason, He chose to love me and redeem me, even at the cost of His own life. Why? I don't have that figured out yet. For some reason, the almighty God Who created the universe just by talking decided to come and die for my sins so that I could go to heaven. It sounds ludicrous... but I know it's true.

So my response? To get down on my knees, and to ask God for help. Even though I have this almighty God living inside of me now, I still don't want to surrender. I still want to think blissfully that I'm in control, that I run the universe. But if God can make the universe just by talking, He can certainly control it. And considering that I know from His death on the cross that He loves me, I think I might just see the same love in the way He controls the rest of my life. It makes a lot of sense just to admit that He's in charge and stop trying to grab the reins.

Especially when I take a minute and think about Who He is.

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Sundry Happenings

My last few posts have been deep and full of serious thoughts. Enough of that!! :) For once, I'm going to give you a portrait of the daily life of a doll in the big city. Don't get used to it, though... for a small doll, I have deep thoughts pretty often.

You'll see here a lovely picture of me at a... well... we'll explain the picture later. It'll give you an incentive to read the rest of my post! (Clever, aren't I? Thanks. I thought so, too.)

I've been keeping extremely busy with several things. First... the unending job search. Jobs in a big city are very hard to come by, especially with the economy the way it is (but I promised no deep thoughts, so we won't go there). I've been searching for jobs in a variety of areas... teaching piano, working at a publishing house, serving food in the dining hall... but so far, we haven't had an official yes. (I think they're practicing height discrimination -- but it's not my fault that I'm under a foot tall!) I've scheduled a few interviews, and will keep you all updated.

In the midst of the hunt for a regular job, I've taken a couple babysitting gigs. These aren't going to be an every week thing, necessarily, but it's nice as extra income, and a relaxing time to do homework off campus. Homework...

Homework hasn't been that insane this semester. While I'm taking 17 1/4 credits this semester, the assignments have been fairly simple thus far. Sometimes I have a huge project due (like the one I worked on last night!) but for the most part, it's not that difficult to complete. Unless I have to play catch up from being sick -- which happened last week.

Yes, I got the stomach flu. It was pretty miserable -- I stayed up with it all night last Sunday, and then spent the next day recuperating. (It's pretty terrifying when you are losing your lunch into a large plastic container that's big enough to swim in.) My stomach is finally back to normal, thankfully.

I've also been hanging out with friends. We celebrated a friend's birthday a few days ago, and that was a blast. I'm continually amazed at how many close, godly friends God has brought into my life. I am so blessed.

I think that's all for now -- oh, wait, you still want to hear about the picture, don't you? I thought you'd never ask... :)

We had a "Winter Protest Party" on my floor this evening. We dressed in our summer clothes, and enjoyed pizza and frozen fruit drinks on the floor. Kind of like a picnic... inside... in the middle of winter. :) It was fun! And now I'm ready for summer...

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Teacups and Treasured Friends

I have developed a taste for tea. To me, tea is more than just hot water and herbal leaves. The word "tea" carries connotations that go deeper. When I ask someone "Would you come over for tea?" I think of sipping from dainty teacups, laughing and giggling, sharing secrets and concerns, and closing our time in prayer.

Teacups make our time together extra special. There's something about a little teacup that invites intimate conversations. (I know it's almost as big as I am... but you should see me next to a ceramic mug!!) A teacup signals the need to pause and reflect, to listen to each other and enjoy quiet company. No matter how hard I try, I can't quite gulp out of a teacup. Whether we drink hot chocolate, coffee, or tea, the imporant thing is taking the time to slow down and enjoy ourselves.

That's exactly what my friends and I have begun doing. A couple close friends and I meet weekly for an evening teatime. It's so refreshing to sit, relax, and enjoy their company. We laugh and giggle, having some of the crazy conversations that college girls and dolls have. We share our hopes, our dreams, our worries. We talk about life and relationships, asking for counsel in specific situations from each other. Sometimes, tea means an exciting story... other times, it means a chance to join in prayer over a concern.

The best part is at the end. We've neglected this at some of our past tea parties, but I'm so glad that we brought it back last night. We like to end our tea in prayer. Holding hands, we come together before the throne of grace with quiet hearts. We lift the dreams, praises, and worries that we'd discussed earlier to the Lord. We end our tea feeling rested and peaceful in the knowledge of God.

It's amazing how refreshing a cup of tea can be.

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Purgatory??

I am writing to you from the midst of Purgatory.

No... this is not going to be a post full of deep theological thoughts. "Purgatory" is what some of us here in the big city have nicknamed the two days right after break. (This does not mean that I affirm the doctrine of Purgatory... quite the contrary.)

Right after arriving back in the city, I went straight into intensive music rehearsals. This morning, I got up, ate breakfast, rehearsed, ate lunch, had an hour break, rehearsed, ate supper, and then rehearsed again. Tomorrow's schedule looks eerily similar. It was the craziness and ultimate exhaustion these days afford that earned them their nickname.

It feels good to be moved back into my little apartment and to have my suitcases unpacked. The skyscrapers are familiar this time around, and they don't seem quite so tall. Still, there's a twinge of sadness, part of me missing the big open skies of my small town. I guess you can't have both... :(

That's part of life, thought, isn't it? Learning to be peaceful and content no matter what. Whether in the big city or the small town, all a doll has to do is put the focus on Jesus. The rest will come. It's nice to know that He's in both places, isn't it?

Even in Purgatory. (Wait a second. Not quite sure about the doctrinal implications of that one... hmm...)

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Happy New Year!!

Welcome to 2009!! Have you all enjoyed celebrating, making resolutions, reflecting on the past year, and watching football? Maybe, when looking back on the past year, you celebrated by making a resolution to watch football! Whatever the case, I hope you're enjoying your year. :)

Usually, I love celebrating, but I didn't do too much of it this year (or was it last year??). I stayed up late on New Year's Eve, said "Happy New Year" when my clock switched from 11:59 to 12:00, and then went to bed. (You don't look like a doll without getting your beauty sleep, you know!) There was no wearing of big hats, no blowing of loud things, no yelling... just a quiet recognition that it was the start of a new year. I liked it this way, I think. It was peaceful. I like peace. :)

I don't think I've ever really made lots of New Year resolutions. When I was a little doll... er... well... younger, at least -- I don't think I've changed size much over the years. If anything, I've shrunk from all those rounds through the dryer!! Anyway, when I was a younger doll, I would resolve to keep a diary every year. It never happened. Typically, it lasted a solid week, and then tapered off. Isn't that what happens with most New Year's resolutions? Regardless, I've made another one (of sorts!). I decided to start going through "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, this book is a devotional, with one reading for each day of the year. I'm looking forward to using a more structured Bible study method. Look for future posts on this! :) I've also resolved to blog more often... some people have told me I need to.

As I reflect on the past year, I've seen God's handiwork. The biggest change for me this past year was my move to the big city. For a small town doll, this was a big deal! I felt so lost at first, but I'm adjusting, and I actually like it there. (A lot!!) God has been so gracious as I've made the adjustment... sending friends into my life, providing income, and giving me His peace. Remember... I like peace. :)

Now, for confession time. I hate football. Okay... maybe "hate" is too strong a word. I find football to be tolerable only when accompanied by a good book. So my New Year's Day hasn't been spent in that traditional manner. Regardless, I found it to be a pleasurable one, and I can only hope the same is true of you.

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Christmas time is here!

Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year
Snowflakes in the air
Carols everywhere
Olden times and ancient rhymes
Of love and dreams to share
Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there
Christmas time is here
We'll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year...
(From the "Charlie Brown Christmas Special")

I love Christmas. I always have, always will. Some of my favorite family memories come from the Christmas season. The lights, the music, the snow, the excitement, the cookies, the presents (especially my first Christmas, when I was the present!!), and most importantly, celebrating Christ as the reason for the season. I thought I'd share some new and old Christmas memories with you this evening. Feel free to comment with your own traditions and ideas. :)

The lights. Since I was a country doll most of my life, looking at Christmas lights meant driving to a town a half an hour away so that we could look at people's extravagant light displays on their homes. I remember being pressed against the van window as the little girl next to me informed me that this was exciting and cool. I didn't have the heart to be tough and point out how overdone some of them were. Fast forward several years to my move to the big city, and you'll find this girl and I walking down the city streets, oohing and ahing over the beautiful (and tasteful!) lights in store windows and on street corners. She still likes the lights, and this time, I agree with her. :)

The music. I love Christmas music. I love the melodies, the lyrics, and the simple reflection on the humble manger scene. I've always played Christmas songs on the piano... and when the music gets too big for my tiny, fingerless hands, I let the little girl (now a big girl!) play them for me. Sometimes they get too big for her hands, too, so she leaves out a few notes. :)

The excitement. As soon as I arrived back in the country from the big city, I could feel how excited everyone was for Christmas Day. Little children squeal in delight about how they can't wait for Thursday. I spent time wrapping gifts and getting them under the tree. We're all ready and waiting for the big day. Christmas Day, we've always come down to the tree and found what's in our stockings. (I always crawl inside my stocking to make sure I didn't miss anything at the bottom.) Then, we have egg-nog, scrambled eggs, and coffee cake for breakfast. Our gift party is last.

THE SNOW!!!! I think we might actually have a white Christmas this year. I was snowed in on Sunday, and the wind is howling tonight. I know country dolls are supposed to be practical and realize how annoying snow can be... but I guess there's enough city doll in me that I find the snow romantic and special. I love how the world looks when it's white... :) (Besides, I don't think anyone would ask a little doll to move the snow... can you see me with a scoop shovel?)

Jesus. He's the reason for life, let alone Christmas. Without Him, we wouldn't exist. I'd say that's reason to celebrate, wouldn't you?

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Reflections on the semester

Well, I survived. :)

Actually, I thrived. I'm sorry for not posting sooner, but time got away from me. With Old Testament papers, Doctrine quizzes, Music Theory assignments, and piano practice, I've been a bit busy. When I wasn't occupied in those ways, I was in class or spending time with my friends. I was so busy thriving that I never had time to blog. :( Now that Christmas break has arrived, I'll try to catch up on some blogging as well as sleep.

As I look back on the past semester, I'm amazed at a whole host of important lessons that God has taught me. The one that stands out is the importance and craziness of love... God's love toward me, my love toward God, and my love toward others.

Let's start with God's love toward me. I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan (which I highly recommend, by the way). The book talks about how insignificant my life is compared to the greater scheme of the universe. God doesn't need me. God is completely sufficient in Himself (see Acts 17:24-25). To illustrate, there is a common comparison of life to a plotline in a movie or book. "Turning over a new leaf," "a new scene in the drama of life," and similar expressions are used frequently. But all of these figures of speech make the gross assumption that the movie of life is about me. In reality, it's about God. I probably don't even qualify as a supporting actress. Chances are, I'm an extra that appears for less than a second.

If this sounds humbling, it should. It's only once we're duly humbled and put in our place, and we realize how stupid, arrogant, and egotistical we have been that we can truly appreciate God's love for us. We have to realize that we're all tiny dolls compared to Him. Yet God -- the one whom this life is really all about -- cares about us. He loved us enough to send His Son to die for us. He could have started over from scratch, but He didn't. This blows me away. It's a kind of crazy, unconditional love that should bring me to my knees.

That's where my love for God comes into the picture. When I think about the greatness of God's love for me, and I realize how meager mine is in comparison, I see a huge problem there. God is so big, I am so small. He sent His Son to die for me, and I respond with trying to fit Him into a little corner of my life. God wants everything, not just a little corner. He wants me to live my entire life out of love for Him, doing it for His glory. This is easier said than done, because it manifests itself in loving others.

I joined a Bible study with some friends this fall, and in studying the book of 1 John, I've been pondering what it means to love other people. Loving people unconditionally (the way God clearly calls us to) means loving without expecting anything in return, with no strings attached. It sounds easy, but try it. To love others with no strings attached is to respond in grace, even when they don't. It is to put their interests ahead of your own, and to expect that attitude to be one-sided. All too often, we plan that loving will be mutual. We think that other people will respond in kind. (After all, how could you not love a little doll like me??)

When we're met with any resistance, we say that we "tried" love and it didn't work. Hmm... last time I checked 1 Corinthians 13 says that "love never fails." That's a hard one to swallow. Even if I can't see the benefits of this love, it still didn't fail. Besides, we're called to unconditional love. Love that insists on being mutual is no longer unconditional. The requirement of being loved back becomes an attached condition, and that's not the kind of love God expects.

It's hard to live life this way, and over the past weeks I've been realizing more and more how disgusting my attitudes are. I blow it so often... which is why it's so amazing that God loves me at all.

Well... pondering unconditional love, writing blog posts, and thriving in general are all a bit tiring, and I still haven't caught up on my sleep since finals week. See you later!

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

P.S. -- This post makes that signature have a little more meaning, doesn't it? By God's grace, I'll try to live up to it... but can you love me even when I don't?