Erin Joy -- Old Site

New post!

2011-10-08T10:38:00.000-05:00

I posted another new post... but you'll need to go to the new URL to read it. If you haven't switched over your RSS feed yet, you may want to do so. :)

http://praisehiminsong.blogspot.com/2011/10/indian-summer.html

Love,

EJ

URL for new site is fixed

2011-09-22T22:45:00.000-05:00

I've fixed the URL for the new site. Sorry about that!

www.praisehiminsong.blogspot.com

If you are currently following the blog with an RSS feed or a blog reader, you'll want to make sure you change that over so you can get updates.

Thanks! :)

EJ

Erin Joy has moved!!!

2011-09-20T20:46:00.003-05:00

Well... not really. I still live in a dorm room on a campus in a city in a country in a world.... yeah.

The new URL for this blog is http://www.praisehiminsong.blogspot.com/

If you have been following Erin Joy, please note that all future updates will go on this site. All the posts have been moved over to the new address.

This address will still be here, and I won't take it down for a while.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

And so I wait, with eager longing

2011-09-11T22:07:00.000-05:00

A friend asked me just today what God has been teaching me through the past two weeks. I wasn't sure how to answer -- and then I remembered.

In the midst of hurt and frustration, Jesus met me one day.

It was in choir. It was the end of the day. I was sick of being sick. Tuesday, I was barely making it through the day, and sat throughout choir rehearsal without singing a single note. I was frustrated, I was pushing my way through the day, and I had my mind on what the doctor was going to tell me that Thursday.

And then we had our choir devotions. As one of the student leaders shared about the life of singer Rich Mullins, she played a song that left me in tears.

Jesus met me through this song. As it played, I stopped to let the words of the chorus wash over me. "And if I can't, let me fall on the grace.... And if I weep, let me weep as a man who is longing for his home."

Longing for home. All of a sudden, the earthly hopes and dreams I so easily cling to seemed to pale in comparison with the heavenly reality. My heart felt reminded that this world is just a passing moment, that it is not my home.

Romans 8:18-21 reads, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.... in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay." (ESV, emphasis mine)

Friends, if the creation waits with eager longing for that glory, for that restoration, why does it take sickness for me to long for it? I, who feel the effects of the physical curse, but also the sin nature?

Why does my heart have a list of things I want to accomplish before my Savior comes for me? Why don't I wish that He would come and redeem this world so that I can glorify Him more perfectly?

And there, sitting in a choir chair surrounded by forty women, my heart was longing. As I wiped away the tears and left the room, I praised God for breaking my heart of its earthly focus.

So now, I wait, with eager longing, because one day my body will be set free from its bondage to decay.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

P.S. -- For those wanting an update on my health, the basic gist is that the specialist thinks I have more going on than just asthma and that it's very treatable with therapy. I still have more tests, and would appreciate your prayers. Things are looking up!

P.P.S. -- The song shared in choir was "If I Stand" by Rich Mullins. Look soon for a post on the list of songs God has used to encourage me over the past few weeks.

I didn't plan on this

2011-08-27T22:10:00.000-05:00

When I laid out the plan for my life five years ago, it looked a little different than it does today.

I planned to major in piano, go on for at least a master's degree and maybe a doctorate. I planned to perform, to teach, to travel. I wanted to live in a city, to enjoy having easy access to concerts and coffee. I planned to practice for hours on end, to be able to easily play whatever pieces I wanted to play, and to do everything my heart desired.

Chronic asthma wasn't in the plan.

This week, I experienced another setback as my lungs tried to adjust to the city, and ended up in a doctor's office getting another round of intensive medication.

Caring friends have asked questions as I've opened the year with another episode of sickness, and this year, I have to explain that this is normal now.

Normal. When I planned out "normal" five years ago, it didn't mean cutting pieces out of my senior recital program so I could physically handle it. It didn't mean traveling with a nebulizer machine, face masks, licorice tea, and a daily pile of prescription medications. It didn't mean rationing my energy and dropping everything for a doctor's appointment. It didn't mean learning to say, "I can't."

Normal was supposed to be different. This wasn't my plan.

And as I grope with the new definition of "normal," I ask why. I wrestle with God. I beg for an explanation. In my heart, I scream, "This isn't fair!"

Then, I'm reminded of a simple truth.

Life isn't fair.

Life isn't about my plans, it isn't about my dreams, it isn't about my desire for normal -- whatever "normal" is. It's about glorifying God and enjoying Him forever. I was created to serve Him, and He rejoices over me with singing. (Zeph. 3:17)

And as unfair as it seems to go through this for some purpose that I can't even see, I'm reminded of the greatest example of all...

It doesn't fit my definition of "fair" that Christ took the punishment for my sin. My Savior didn't lead a "normal" life, where He got to fulfill every dream and ambition without obstruction. The Creator of the universe dealt with pain and suffering as He lived and died on this earth, glorifying the Father and serving me.

And incredibly enough, we read in Scripture that this was all part of the plan.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

lasts and firsts

2011-08-21T16:45:00.000-05:00

I just returned to the city after my last women's choir retreat. This weekend, reality of a sort started to sink in, and I realized some of the bittersweet moments that accompany this year.

I'm going to treasure my last year with the beautiful ladies of WCC.

I'm going to enjoy my last year with several close friends who will not be here when I come back for my final semester next fall.

This year, I'll sing in Candlelight Carols and my school's Messiah concert for the last time.

In the spring, I'll go on my last tour, and attend my last (required) Founder's Week.

But in the midst of these bittersweet moments, I'm watching freshmen enjoy their firsts, and I'm looking at a few firsts of my own.

I can go on Senior Retreat... for the first time. :)

I'll enjoy my new roomies, one of whom is at this campus for the first time.

I'll build new friendships, with people I might not have met yet.

I'll do an internship at a wonderful church.

I'll be a part of our new choir director's first year, and will be the first TA our new composition professor has had.

It's all in how you look at it... but I'm beginning to get ready for this new year's lasts and firsts. Just don't remind me about my Monday morning classes. :)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Small town journalist goes to Israel!

2011-08-11T16:10:00.000-05:00

This summer, while working at my local newspaper, I was asked to write a series on the Israel trip I took at the beginning of the summer. Five articles in all, the series was a challenge to write and a huge help in processing the trip.

I've received permission to publish the articles here on my blog. Click the following links to find them... and I hope you enjoy! :)

R-D Reporter in Israel, Part 1
This article opens the series with an account of our concert ministry.

R-D Reporter in Israel, Part 2
This article takes the reader to Caesarea, Megiddo, Dan, and the Golan Heights.

R-D Reporter in Israel, Part 3
This article is an account of our time around the Sea of Galilee.

R-D Reporter in Israel, Part 4
This article centers on Bethlehem and Jerusalem, including the Wailing Wall and Yad Vashem.

R-D Reporter in Israel, Part 5
The desert, the Garden Tomb, and the Mount of Olives conclude the series.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy (and Kirsten)

summer's end

2011-08-11T11:22:00.001-05:00

School is just around the corner. Another week will have me driving into the Chicago suburbs. While I'm looking forward to the classes, friends, internship, and the city, I'm feeling a bit nostalgic about what may be my last summer at home.

I've always told people that sometime over the last few years, God had to teach me to just be where I am and enjoy it. So... for this last week, I'm going to enjoy a few things.

Practicing in a church. A nearby church has graciously given me permission over the years to practice on their baby grand Yamaha. While I enjoy my practice hours on the Kawai at school, there is something about the the church sanctuary that makes practicing that much more beautiful. I don't know if it's the big room, the stained glass windows, the pews filled with an imaginary audience, or the reminder that I practice in the presence of God.

Farm fresh food. I love sweet corn, and homemade potato salad, and real pork. (If you were wondering, they don't sell real pork in stores. They sell overly processed pork cut in thin slices... and those of us with awesome daddies who raise pork get the real stuff.) I am not looking forward to cafeteria food. Just saying.

My church family. I have loved being on staff at my home church this summer. It's been a great experience, and I'm going to miss it... but in this case, I'm going straight into an internship at my church in the city, so this goodbye is bittersweet. This is my last Sunday at Bethel.

Doing homework. In conjunction with the Israel trip, I decided to take a class on the Arab-Israeli conflict. In the next few days, I'll "enjoy" finishing up the reading and writing book reports so I can write a paper as soon as I get back to school.... it's actually been a fascinating class. Am I crazy?? :P

Avoiding the dog. This is one thing I will not enjoy. At all. The beloved family dog had to be put down last fall, and they replaced it this spring with a puppy -- a puppy who has a fascination with pigs and hanging out in the pigpen. So... think a perpetual smell of wet dog, combined with mud, combined with the odor of pig -- all of that rubbing up against your thigh as you attempt to walk out to the car. City life, how I love you...

Time with my family. The littlest brother and sister are growing up too fast. My younger sister Bethany and I have barely seen each other this summer... but we're going to make up for that with a back to school shopping day with Mom. Mom is always here when I get home from work and have a bad day, goes with me to doctor appointments, and is one of my best friends. My daddy is pretty awesome (that's us in the picture above). He managed to rescue a special necklace from Israel from my bathroom drain the other day... and we've had lots of good talks this summer.

I'm sure I'll enjoy a lot of other things... like sleeping in, having a full refrigerator, being able to eat breakfast in my pajamas, watching NCIS episodes every evening, and... oh, yes.

Home. :)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Why Monopoly is an annoying game

2011-08-08T17:27:00.000-05:00

There. I've admitted it to the world. Let me say it again.

I hate Monopoly.

It's not that it's immoral, although certainly some people play it in an inconsiderate, bloodthirsty, cruel fashion. It's not that it's unsafe, although certainly playing it with some people raises my blood pressure to a high degree and makes my lungs close up in panic. It's not that that I always lose, although I have certainly played for hours on end only to be bankrupted and then forced to play for another hour so I could be thoroughly indebted to my opponent.

It's just that I hate it.

Monopoly has always seemed to me to be cutthroat -- mine. Even as an adult, all of a sudden, niceness and sweetness get suspended, and you find yourself playing a game with someone who you thought liked you, but now seems to keep playing with the single goal of making you miserable. And then this game, that you're losing, goes on for hours on end. Long after the rules say the game is supposed to end, you're still playing...

I hate Monopoly.

Playing Monopoly is long and boring and torturous. I'm not sure if everyone rigs the deck, or if I just have bad luck. But once -- just once -- I'd like to land on Boardwalk, when there isn't someone else's hotel on it. (I mean, really? Raising the rent on Boardwalk for a stupid little plastic building that even I couldn't fit into?) I'd like to pass "Go" and get $200, not land on the "Go to Jail" square every time I go around the board. I'd like to buy up the railroads before someone else does, and actually get a "Monopoly."

I hate Monopoly. In fact, I think I'll stick with games like Scattergories, Apples to Apples, and cards, where you have fun even if you are losing. These are games that do not take four hours to play, that do not not have a jail cell on the board small enough to squish even the squishiest cotton, and that increase brain power, not bloodthirsty greed.

If you choose to play Monopoly, very well, but don't ask me to bail you out of jail.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Bathtime!

2011-07-27T19:29:00.000-05:00

Some photos don't need any explanation...

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

The list gets shorter... ISRAEL EDITION

2011-07-26T19:06:00.001-05:00

Since the incredible popularity (or lack thereof) of my August 2010 post entitled, "The list gets shorter...", I've decided to do what everyone does:

To increase blog hits, we're now introducing.... The list gets shorter... ISRAEL EDITION. (Hey -- it works for Monopoly. If they can sell the same annoying game multiple times to the same person by changing the name on two of the squares and giving you differently-shaped pieces to move around the board and charging you more money, why can't I get the same people to read my blog post by giving it a new theme? Don't answer that.)

Ahem. Without further ado: The list gets shorter... ISRAEL EDITION. (Hey!! I like the sound of that!)

I went to the Holy Land armed with medication and a doctor's note to get it all through security. While the doctor's note was unnecessary, it turned out that the medication wasn't. Now, I'm looking at a whole new set of things I can never do as I adjust to being asthmatic...

I can never work at an incense shop. (Just five minutes in the Church of the Holy Nativity was enough to bring out the inhaler.)

I can never lead tours through Hezekiah's water tunnel. (I had to take the dry Canaanite tunnel to avoid mold.)

I can never run a "Kirsten's Kamels for Kids" camel-riding service. (I had the polo shirts ordered and everything... but then I realized that camels -- even kamels -- shed.)

I can never be an archeologist. (Just because all the people that lived in that tel died doesn't mean all the dust mites did.)

I can never join the Israeli army. (Besides the fact that I'm not Israeli, they require their soldiers to run up Masada. Dust, heat, more dust, exercise, and more heat... not a good combination.)

I can never be part of a Bedouin sheik's harem. (I have allergic reactions to their tents, although I'm sure they'd love a doll like me.)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

P.S. -- While I hope you enjoyed this tongue-in-cheek post, I'd appreciate your prayers as I do try to get my asthma stabilized, if not even improved. I'm sure I'm on this journey for a reason, but that hasn't made it any easier. Love, EJ

P.P.S. -- I'll tell you why Monopoly is so annoying in a later post. -- EJ

worshipping with His church

2011-07-25T19:47:00.000-05:00

I've been doing an internship at my home church this summer, a church of about 200 people in rural America. They've given me the responsibility of planning and leading the worship every Sunday morning, under the supervision of our pastor.

What a learning experience! The challenge of selecting music, preparing it, doing transitions and modulations, leading rehearsals, and deciding what to say and when during the service -- well, it's been huge! Still, one thing stands out:

This is what God wants me to do.

Have you ever had one of those experiences where you're doing what He created you to do and it's beautiful? I look out on the congregation on Sunday mornings... and they're worshiping. We're all worshiping. We're doing it together, and God is using me to encourage His people.

Oh, yes, there will be moments of conflict, and I see that. There will be times in the future when my tears aren't joyful. But there's something incredible about worshiping with His people, His church.

I could theorize about what music to choose, and what instrumentation is best. I could talk about how the practicality of the future isn't worked out. I could moan and groan about searching for the right grad school, and not knowing how performance and worship ministry fit together. (In later posts, I probably will... after all, you've got to let a little doll moan and groan once in a while, right?) But right now, I just want to absorb the moment that is this summer.

I want to realize that all these years of asking and praying, all those questions of whether I was actually doing what He wanted me to do... well, it's worth it. I've wondered, asking God whether there was purpose to this. I've struggled, knowing that I want to serve Him, but not being willing to surrender completely. But now, I look back, and what do I see?

His hand is in it all. He led me to Moody, even when I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do the rest of my life. He brought me home during the summers not just to give me a job, but so that He could give me a passion for His church and His people. He brought me through a painful year of sickness and frustration, so He could show me that it's His grace empowering me to follow Him.

Even if He did all this just so that I could lead and learn this summer, it was worth it. But coupled with the blessing of the summer is an excitement for the future, because He's not done with me yet.

And I can't wait to see what my God has in store.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Streams in the desert

2011-07-07T22:46:00.001-05:00

The Judean desert is one of the most breathtaking sights I have ever seen.

It also serves as a beautiful metaphor for the land of Israel itself. I returned from Israel over a month ago, and it's taken some time to process this trip. (Hence the lack of blog posts...) The choir did eleven concerts during our two weeks there, encouraging and fortifying messianic congregations as well as an established Arab church.

The land of Israel is lost. I think that's a misconception I had before going. I expected that my choir would be a light in a bright land. After all -- everyone knows about Jesus there, right? Everyone's worshiping God...

Wrong. As I discovered, we were more like a light in a dark land, surrounded by Jewish people who are waiting for a Messiah when He has already come, tourists who are worshiping the place rather than the God who created it, and Muslims who think that by their works they will gain access to heaven. Gazing out on the city of Jerusalem, I saw shrines to false religion, and graves placed so that they would be nearer to Messiah when He comes.

Here we were, in the midst of this dark land, proclaiming the truth. That God is loving and merciful, that Messiah has come and is living within us, that He will return again, yes, but that at that time, we should be worshiping Him for who He is.

It's like Ein Gedi, one of my favorite sites that we visited. In the midst of the dry Judean desert, this waterfall is an oasis. Streams of fresh, living water provide a chance for respite.

As we visited messianic congregations in Israel, I realized that they are that respite. They are those streams in the desert, and we were, in essence, bringing refreshment and replenishment to them. Perhaps the thrust of the tour wasn't solely evangelistic, but we fortified churches that will then go out and water the desert.

As you think about it, pray for the Christians in Israel. It's a very difficult place to be a believer, as I saw firsthand a month ago, and I wonder if many of us may have similar misconceptions. Pray that this body of believers would be streams in the desert.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

the death of the wicked

2011-05-01T23:44:00.003-05:00

In a cruel irony, the day I post a review of Carson's book on suffering, a man who caused the suffering of millions was found and killed.

This provides comfort and victory, in some ways. God is just. Osama will not go unpunished. Unless he confessed Jesus as Lord before his death, bin Laden is in hell tonight.

But as that comforts our need for justice, does it also keep us awake at night, wondering? As one of my professors so wisely noted just this past week, hell is something we should not wish on anyone. It is a fate so real, so sobering, so horrific, that it should make us weep.

It causes our God sorrow, too. "Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked, declares the Lord GOD, and not rather that he should turn from his way and live?" (Ezekiel 18:23) While God is wholly just and wholly sovereign, He is also completely good, gracious, and merciful. The sacrifice of His Son on the cross has satisfied His righteous wrath against sin. He has made clear the way to eternal life and grace in Jesus Christ, and longs for all sinners to come to repentance.

But for some reason, unbeknownst to me, not all of them do. With the rejection of Jesus Christ comes the full and just reward for sin -- endless torment forever and ever. Scripture teaches us that God is sovereign even over that. Were it not for His redemption, I would be on a pathway to hell myself, and justly so.

The more I ponder this, the more it is a mystery to me. Perhaps, as I concluded the previous post, the solution in a situation like this is to seek to know and understand our God better. In the meantime, let us rejoice in who He is, in His justice and His offer of redemption, and weep at the depravity of man.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Thoughts on "How Long, O Lord?"

2011-05-01T00:30:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading "How Long, O Lord?" by D. A. Carson. (Yes... I read this for class. You can safely assume that homework is almost all I'm doing for the next week or so...)

Even though I have a crazy schedule in the next couple weeks, I though I'd take a moment or two to recommend this book to you. Carson's thoughts on suffering do not provide a quick fix, nor do they explain away the pain we feel. His book offers some pieces of perspective that will prepare Christians to have an unshaken theology when tragedy strikes.

Rather than attempting to conclude with a cheesy answer, Carson urges his readers to accept the truths of Scripture and live with their tensions. He spends an entire two chapters discussing the understanding of two seemingly contradictory things that Scripture holds as true: humans are responsible for their actions, yet God is sovereign over all.

This truth applies in a key way to suffering. Suffering is a consequence of human sin; we live in a world that is fallen. Still, we cannot deny the fact that, since God created a world that allows for suffering, He is in some sense behind it. Carson describes this as asymmetrical to being behind good: God is behind good in that He is always its direct cause, while He is behind suffering in that He uses secondary causes to accomplish His purposes.

Carson postulates a few possibilities for why God might have allowed suffering in the first place, but he ends by insisting that the only way to find rest is to seek to know God. Rather than finding a logical explanation for the tension, understand that it is part of the mystery. The mystery is in who God is, not in an outward evil. He is a God who wants to be sought.

I will freely admit that this is, at best, a very brief summary, and Carson makes the arguments much better than I do. Always, he supports his claims with Scripture, and in the end, he produces a theology of suffering that is very orthodox. I would encourage Christians to read the book, to grapple with the questions it asks, and, in the end, to seek to know God.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

All dressed up... with somewhere to go!

2011-04-20T23:53:00.000-05:00

Girls in long dresses with flowers or sashes...
Mascara that stays on my long, thick eyelashes...
Wonderful memories with friends make me sing...
These are a few of my favorite things!

Junior/Senior Banquet, or JSB, was this weekend. I went with a group of girlfriends, many of whom were from choir. The evening was full of donning a gorgeous formal gown, enjoying a scrumptious meal, and taking away a rose from the centerpiece at the end of the night.

Half the fun, I think, is getting ready. A week before, I went out to my friend's house to look at her dresses. Having a friend who is close enough in size to be able to share formals is a wonderful thing. It certainly expands your wardrobe when you have another closet from which to choose! Then, the night of the banquet, I had my hair done, had my roommate lace up the back of my dress with elaborate straps, and finished make-up and shoes.

I realize that "beauty is as beauty does," but honestly, it's kinda fun to get all dressed up with your friends and venture into the city. :)

Another fun part of the evening was the dinner. I commented to a friend that it is delightful to be able to sit, relax, and enjoy a meal. So often as college students, we rush to the student dining room and leave within fifteen minutes. (See my lunch the day of the banquet for details.) Being able to eat quality food and have time to enjoy it was a privilege.

My "date" (a close girlfriend) and I got our photos taken in a photo booth, and then walked back to campus and had a few laughs taking what my roommate (our photographer) called "awkward homecoming pictures." All in all, it was a very pleasant way to spend an evening... a great respite in a semester of craziness.

I guess there really isn't a moral to this blog post. It isn't exactly profound. If you want to take something away from it, remember that sometimes, it's nice to get dressed up and enjoy a good meal. But... if you don't want to take away a moral, then just know that I had a very fun evening and wanted to share it with you. :)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Imitating Christ: Our Inward Witness

2011-04-03T18:54:00.000-05:00

My choir has been going through the book Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis. I have already found the book challenging and rewarding, and I'm looking forward to continuing to study it.

One constant challenge to me in this book has been seeking God alone. Whether it be relating to adversity, pride, or a focus on the world, the solution is to look at Christ.

"Then we chiefly seek God for our inward witness, when outwardly we are condemned by men, and when there is no credit given to us. And therefore a man should rest himself so fully in God, that he need not to seek many comforts of men," à Kempis writes in chapter 12.

This idea of inward witness is an interesting and difficult one. Frankly, I'm human. (I know you thought I was a perfect doll, but I guess the truth comes out...) Seriously, though -- like everyone, I like the affirmation of people. I like it when they observe that I'm growing. I like it when my godliness is noticed. When someone criticizes me, I struggle not to crumple on the inside.

But, as à Kempis so wisely demonstrates, we don't need to flaunt our growth for the praise of men. Some things are meant to be between me and God. When we don't receive praise of men, that can drive us to Christ. God can be our inward witness -- a witness to the holiness He is creating in us.

Resting in the truth that God's witness is what matters can help us take the value from the criticism we receive as well. The Holy Spirit convicts -- in my experience, praying over criticism I receive often helps me evaluate what in my life does need to be addressed. He can be a witness to areas that need correction, too.

So there's the first of my thoughts on this book! :) Look for more blog posts as I continue working my way through it.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Note: Like any human writing, Imitation of Christ must be read through the lens of Scripture. (I certainly hope you do so with my blog posts!!) As I read with God's grace constantly in mind, this book has provided such an encouragement and conviction toward godly living and resting in Christ. If you were to forget God's grace as you read, however, you might see in the book an encouragement towards legalism -- so when you read this book, remember grace. :)

Tour Highlights

2011-03-30T23:42:00.000-05:00

It is hard (next to impossible) to sum up two weeks in Washington and British Columbia with a single post. I think the plan will be to share a few highlights, a few photos, and then allow you to realize that God did so much more. :)

Highlight #1: Gorgeous scenery. I loved the mountains, and it seemed as though every home where we stayed had yet another breathtaking view. This was taken from the porch of a home built out on a bluff. At another host home, we stayed right on the Columbia River. Later on, our drive from Washington to Canada was what some say is the most scenic route in all of Washington. I think I believe them. :)

Highlight #2: Visiting our school's other campus, located in Washington. We sang two chapels, one of for their main campus, and one at the missionary aviation campus. This is a photo of a bookcase on the aviation campus, holding Bibles that aviation graduates have helped to translate, whether by flying the plane or being involved in the actual translation process. It was incredible to the other campus we hear so much about, and to meet our brothers and sisters in Christ there.

Highlight #3: Host home stays. While this photo was taken at a multi-million dollar home near Seattle (this is the bed their dog used to use -- Kirsten's was much bigger!), we stayed in a huge variety. Some of my favorites were a little elderly couple who shared with us what they had, a retired AWANA missionary who gave us hand waxes and let us soak in the hot tub, and the parents of a recent missionary-martyr who held no animosity in their hearts.

Highlight #4: New modes of transportation! :) On this tour, I took my first ferry ride. We rode the "Queen of Coquitlam" from Vancouver to Vancouver Island. One of my favorite views in all of tour was the snowcapped peaks of the mainland rising above the sea on the way back. Also on this trip, I took my first ever airplane flight. My family always did road trips for our vacations, so I've never really had occasion to fly. Now I'm all ready for our long flight over to Israel come May...

Highlight #5: French on the signs in Canada. I cannot tell you how happy it made me.... :) I took five years of French in junior high and high school, and while I've forgotten more than I care to admit, it was so fun to realize that I'd actually retained some of it. I talked to a couple ladies in French at our hotel stop in Canada, and they told me I spoke very well. (Still not sure if they were just being nice since I'm such a cute little doll, or if they were telling the truth...) I was pleasantly surprised at how much of a conversation I was able to carry on.

As always, it was a pleasure to see God use the choir over the course of the two week tour. Watching the ladies respond in a Christ-like way to frustrating situations and intense schedules was especially challenging to me this year. God used tour to remind me that it isn't all about me. It's about Jesus. (I could call this highlight #6.... but He is the King of all the tour highlights.)

Well... it's bedtime. My cotton needs to rest a bit. :)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Washington, here I come!

2011-03-11T13:58:00.000-06:00

Tonight, I fly out to Seattle with the Women's Concert Choir. We'll be touring for two weeks in the Pacific Northwest and Canada, enjoying the mountains and the rain. I remembered to throw in a waterproof jacket, because my fabric gets kind of gross when it's damp. (True story. The cotton gets all soggy, and starts to stick to my insides, and then I have to ride in the dryer, and that's hot and uncomfortable, and.... well... I'll quit whining.)

The past two weeks have been kind of hectic. With being sick, hearing some very difficult news, and midterms approaching, I haven't had a chance to sit and just be. I'm looking forward to some of those bus rides in the next couple weeks. The quiet hours will be very refreshing.

At our local concert last Sunday, I was once again blown away by the beauty of the program our director has put together. The theme is one of hope, urging us to hold on and rejoice in Christ, even in the midst of suffering. I needed that on Sunday, and to be able to worship with it every night for two weeks will be a gift from God.

I'm praying that God will grant me opportunities to serve the choir and learn from the other ladies, as well. Whether it be conversations on the bus or shared host home experiences, I'm confident that God will work in me through the lives and testimonies of the others. Hopefully, he can use me to touch their lives, too.

I've already seen an example of that through the choir recently. A friend stopped by the desk a week or two ago and shared what God was doing in her life. She was trying to work through some things, and somehow, God gave me the Scripture to share with her. Just a few days later, she was sharing this same Scripture at our choir concert. God knew I needed to hear that again... just in time.

Well, my shift at the desk is over. I'll write again after tour! :)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

So, I can't sleep...

2011-02-28T23:17:00.000-06:00

I'm waiting for the cough syrup with codeine to actually make me drowsy, and hoping that before too long, I'll be in bed, sound asleep... So, a disclaimer: This is not an organized post. It is a rambling. Take it for what it's worth.

Yup. I'm sick again. After just getting over the hump in January, I've been on albuterol this week for the first time in a month. Feeling sick again has put some things in perspective -- you know, those overwhelming projects and hectic class schedules? Life gets put on hold for a few days while I concentrate on feeling better, and that's okay.

To be honest, I've had a hard time keeping perspective recently. It's surprising how quickly I've gotten used to being able to do it all. I put in lots of practice over the past few weeks (which is one reason why you haven't seen me on the blogosphere), I did my homework, I worked hard, and I was doing this thing!! I had the energy to do it all once again.

But, as I sit here with a headache, sore throat, and tired body, I have been reminded once again of my frailty, of the truth that I simply cannot do it all. (See the previous post entitled "Super Doll" for more details...)

But isn't that what grace is about? I think sometimes I have this picture that I have to earn God's grace. Remember elementary school, when you studied for that math test super hard, and then you prayed, and you got an A? Remember how you were convinced it was God, and then you remembered you studied? Boom!! All the credit goes right back to me.

But in reality, it's only His grace. Perhaps it was what theologians like to call "common grace" (grace given to all mankind, saved or not) that let you study and recall and pass the test, but it was still grace nonetheless.

I've received pictures of grace lately. Not being able to pay my school bill, and watching God provide -- that's grace. A friend offering to e-mail me notes for a class I missed because I was sick -- that's grace. My roommate giving me her ramen noodle soup because I was sick and couldn't walk to Walgreens to buy any -- that's grace.

I think I've heard grace defined before as "giving you what you don't deserve."

I think being alive and starting to get sleepy qualifies, too. :)

So, with that -- good night!!

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Israel Tour preparations

2011-02-11T23:21:00.000-06:00

This weekend, I'm keeping busy preparing updates on my choir's upcoming trip to Israel. I'm sending out a whole host of update letters, and am pleased to announce that God has thus far provided over two-thirds of the necessary funds for my own account. The choir as a whole is at a little less than half. I'm praying boldly that God will supply all our needs. (After all, as one of my fellow choristers is known to point out: "He owns the cattle on a thousand hills... and I know how much those cattle cost!")

Our choir has a recording date set for the beginning of March, and then we tour the Pacific Northwest. The Israel tour is slated for May. At this point, we only have nine more rehearsals before we record, so as you can imagine, it's getting intense. As an accompanist, I still need to be putting in practice time on the accompaniments; one of them is especially challenging.

Please be praying for us in the next few weeks as we prepare to record. In particular:

Pray for health and rest for the choir. (I have seen a nearly complete turn-around in my own health over the past few weeks, but I know colds have still been going around.)
Pray for discipline in rehearsal -- both organized and individual rehearsal outside of the choir time. Pray that we would all have the motivation to put in the time it will take.
Pray for support raising, that as our update letters go out next week, God would lay it on people's hearts to give. Pray that this experience would unify us and help us place the correct priority on the Kingdom purpose of the trip.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

P.S. -- On an entirely unrelated note, I know the couch in the picture is ugly. It does, however, have two wonderful features going for it -- it is comfortable, and it was free. If you are interested in sending donations to pay for a prettier couch, the ladies in 604 would gladly accept them; however, I think I'll save my support letter writing for choir. :)

"He has withheld no good thing"

2011-02-09T23:02:00.001-06:00

I just came out of a conference on "The Riches of His Grace," and I have been reminded in tangible ways that our Savior's grace does not end with salvation. To the contrary, God often loves to shower His people with blessings, just because He can.

Do not misunderstand me -- I am not trying to preach a "health and wealth" gospel. I understand that we must grapple with pain and suffering in our day-to-day walks, and it's often during sorrow that we mature and grow the most. I've been reminded also about the importance of feeling pain, but we'll save that for another post. For now, I'd like to share a recent tangible display of our God's grace.

The last day of the conference, someone was prompted to hand me some cash and tell me it was "spending money." While I was very grateful at the time, and praised God for His provision, it wasn't until the next day that I realized the perfect plan He had.

I was taking a picture for the blog. Well, trying to, that is, when I realized my camera wouldn't work. With the discovery that my camera was dying, I became incredibly discouraged. There was no way I would be able to afford to replace my camera. And then I remembered the money I had been given.

When I went online to look at camera prices, I found a camera on sale. I was able to purchase it for almost exactly the amount I had been given. For the price of a memory card, my new camera was on its way. I would be able to take pictures of Israel, of my adventures in the city, and of course, a few pictures of my "doll-ing" little self for the blog. The words of a song Sara Groves had performed at our conference came flooding through my mind: "He has withheld no good thing..."

The song had touched me deeply. She shared about an afternoon in her hometown several years ago. She wanted to drive by the house where she grew up one last time... and when she arrived, it was for sale and open for viewing. God's grace in letting her see the memories was beautiful, and reminded me of His grace to me. Romans 8:32 reads, "He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?"

My story didn't end with the camera. There have been dozens of things -- some large, some small, but all from God. I have received blessings that range from extra time with my parents because of a snow storm to trading my work hours so I have a free Saturday night this weekend. I deserve hell, but He has given me eternal life through His Son, and so much more besides.

What tangible ways have you seen God's grace lately? Let's glorify His name together.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

The Blizzard of 2011

2011-02-06T23:42:00.000-06:00

You have to laugh at all the big names they are giving this storm. I have heard it called both "Snowpocalypse" and "Snowmageddon." On several news websites, entire articles are devoted to requesting name suggestions, and Tuesday night during the storm, my Facebook friends started using the term "thundersnow."

I think a commenter on CBS Chicago's article summed it up beautifully. "How about just calling it 'winter'?" Margaret asked.

And winter it was. The snowstorm dropped close to two feet of snow over the course of two days, with wind, thunder, and lightening. There's a running joke at my school that the coming of our annual Bible conference brings on the first February cold spell. Memories of waiting in line for the shuttle bus to take us back from the conference site to campus mix with the equally long lines to get food in the cafeteria. This year's chill was no exception, and as my fabric got cold and wet just from walking a few feet to a shuttle bus, I found myself glad that the food lines were shorter.

Well... I guess not shorter for everyone else. :) "Snowmageddon" brought a delightful surprise. My parents, who had been intending to come to the conference in time for Wednesday night's session, drove in early to beat the storm. To my delight, this meant an extra two afternoons with them. They wanted to avoid the lines, and I didn't complain... :)

We went out to eat with some friends on Tuesday, at a restaurant on the 95th floor. (Do you know how many floors that is in doll floors???) Watching the storm come in from up above was incredible -- at the beginning of our meal, the view was a bit cloudy, but still stunning. By the end, we could not see some of the most recognizable buildings in the skyline. Seeing the snow fall and move from that height offered an entirely different perspective. As it was pushed by the wind and made its way through the clouds and down to the bottom, I wondered what the walk back to school would be like.

Later that night, I was leaving the evening session in my choir dress. As I made my way to the bus, I noticed thunder and lightening. The city doesn't get too many thunderstorms in general, and seeing it coupled with a blizzard caused some friends to coin the term "Thundersnow." I enjoyed watching the rest of Tuesday's storm from my shift at the music building desk.

While the rest of the city, including the public schools, shut down, my school's conference continued. It was moved to campus for the day, and my parents braved the storm and walked over from their hotel. Fragile doll that I am, I didn't step outside until after 4:00 p.m. that afternoon... I liked having it on campus. :)

It was interesting to observe the sidewalks when we finally ventured off campus to have a bite to eat. Wednesday and Thursday, some paths were barely wide enough for a doll like me to walk comfortably. Even today, I went out and the paths weren't much better -- still very slushy, for sure. I had to wear a snowboot... I fit all the way inside and didn't even need a coat!!

Well??? The verdict? Was this storm really a "Snowpocalypse" like they say?

My fabric is still drying out, and my ears are still blue. (Hmm... I think that's the color they've always been. Maybe I should get that checked out...) While others had a far worse experience than mine, I think I'm just as qualified as any other doll on the blogsophere to make an assessment.

Let's just call it "winter."

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

A new look for the blog...

2011-01-29T00:17:00.000-06:00

I decided to roll out a new look for the blog tonight. I had more desk shifts than reading this week, and was brainstorming about blog ideas when my organist friend stopped by the desk. I started showing him my ideas, he offered a couple more, and then I came back to my room later this evening and put this together.

Comments or suggestions are appreciated -- I'm not averse to changing things a bit. Some of you are more computer/graphic savvy than I.

Well... off to bed! I've got a busy day of practicing tomorrow!

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

on staplers

2011-01-22T23:10:00.000-06:00

This, my friends, is a stapler.

For those of you unfamiliar with this concept, it might be best to start with a basic definition.

Stapler (noun): A tool used to fasten sheets of paper together by poking a piece of metal through the paper and bending it so it stays secure.

Staplers can be purchased at any office supply store, and even at non-specialty stores such as Walgreens, Wal-Mart, or Target. They can be found in most offices, schools, and libraries. Elementary, middle, and high school students use them, and so do the CEO's of most major corporations. Staplers come in a range of cost and sizes, from the $2 backpack version, to the $60 model designed for heavy library use.

There seems to be a gap in stapler usage, at least from my observations. From the time a student enters college to the day they graduate, the stapler becomes an anomaly, almost an embarrassment to own or use. Assignments are paper clipped, or worse -- dogeared, with the vain hope that merely bending the top corner of the page will somehow hold one hundred sheets of paper together.

Why??

When a stapler is in the library, positioned close enough to the printer to allow for stapling in under three-and-a-half seconds, why do students turn in their papers unstapled?

Do they really think that a paper clip will hold their assignment together when it is placed in a box with fifty other papers also written in 12-point Times New Roman, with one-inch margins?

Are they naive enough to believe that their last name in the upper right-hand corner will really enable the teaching assistant to sort them properly? That the five other John Does in the class dogeared their pages in a slightly different place?

Unfortunately, some things in this life do not have easy answers. There are some questions we will ponder, never knowing the whys and the wherefores... never reaching that elusive solution.

This, however, is not one of those questions.

Buy a stapler.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

a lack of blogging, but a lot of growing

2011-01-21T13:54:00.000-06:00

Well, my friends, it's been a while. My apologies for the lack of blogging -- Christmas break was pretty packed. I ended up working about 30 hours a week while I was home, getting ready for my brother's wedding, and going to doctor's appointments. Then it was back on campus, a week of classes, and tour... and now it's finally time to blog again.

A simple one paragraph summary of the past few weeks doesn't quite seem to do it justice. To be honest, God has done a lot in my heart and life in such a short time, but I'm hard put to figure out how to express it. Whether it be graciously providing a solution to my ongoing health problems (I'm taking the stairs again!), or reminding me of the power of prayer, I'm grateful.

I'm looking forward to the upcoming semester. I've got some great classes -- Systematic Theology I, Church Music Ministries, Hermeneutics, and Piano Pedagogy. Much like last semester, I'm excited about all of them. A lot of the semester will also be spent preparing for my choir's tour to Israel in May.

I will do my best to keep blogging regularly. If you have any suggestions or comments, please let me know! :) And... in the meantime, I'd appreciate your prayers -- for class, health, practice, and most importantly, a continued focus on Him.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Who are you worshiping?

2010-12-12T16:16:00.001-06:00

"Little children, keep yourself from idols."

This last verse of the book of 1 John was the subject of this morning's sermon. Perhaps it may seem like a strange text for advent, but the conclusion to my pastor's series on 1 John was tied in beautifully to the message of "Angels from the Realms of Glory" -- "Come and worship Christ, the newborn King."

I found myself incredibly convicted this morning, especially by the definition given for idolatry. To paraphrase what was said this morning, idolatry happens when the absence of anything makes me doubt God's goodness. In other words -- if I am sick, and that makes me doubt God's goodness, my health has become an idol. If I require anything beyond salvation to believe God, I have become guilty of idolatry.

Another, perhaps more subtle example of idolatry was pointed out in my philosophy class just last week. Can't philosophical systems become idols as well? My philosophy professor raised this question, reminding us students that philosophers, by nature, claim to have the answer to the way the world works. Whether it be Descartes or Kierkegaard, empiricism or rationalism, a philosophical system explains everything... even God's actions. It's very easy for that philosophical system to start not just describing how God acts, but defining it. In essence, we can easily elevate a system as an authority over God, creating an idol of our own intellect.

So -- the question I've been pondering all afternoon: Who am I worshiping?

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

P.S. -- Listen to Pastor Worley's sermon, entitled "Idols," here: http://www.gracechurchofdupage.org/online_sermons.html

incarnation in song :)

2010-12-02T19:35:00.001-06:00

Take a moment and stop, in the busyness of December, to reflect on the reason we celebrate. Isn't it the simple, beautiful truth that God became man? When you think about it, the story of Christmas gives us reason to contemplate and celebrate one of the most integral parts of our faith. Focusing on Jesus at Christmas shouldn't just mean getting warm fuzzies and singing lullabies. It should mean remembering that the God of the universe chose to wrap Himself in the form of a tiny baby -- then, now, and forever fully God and fully man.

I've been reflecting on the incarnation lately. With preparing to lead worship back in the country on December 26, and getting ready for our Christmas concert in the city this weekend, I've been filling my mind with the lyrics of solid hymns -- O Come All Ye Faithful, What Child Is This, Angels from the Realms of Glory, to name a few.

A contemporary song has been added to the mix. While I first heard this song on the radio a few years ago, I've grown incredibly attached to it this semester. Joy Williams's "Here With Us" is one of the most beautiful portraits of Christ's incarnation in song. It's not full of big theological terminology, but rather focuses on the simplicity of the mystery: God, now man, "here with us."

Listen to it here. You'll be glad you did.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

"Mommy, she has ice skates!"

2010-11-21T16:52:00.001-06:00

Every little girl in the city must have pointed them out as I walked back from the park, skates slung over my shoulder. The innocence of the children was priceless. Ice skates mean romantic twists and turns on the ice, and pretty outfits. They mean beautiful music and a graceful bow at the end.

I didn't try any of the twists and turns when I skated yesterday, but we watched an experienced skater in the center of the rink. She might have been in jeans and a hoodie, but her beautiful motion showed practice and skill. I commented on how much fun she was to watch, and how I'd surely fall if I tried. (I might have cotton to soften the blow, but I wouldn't want the blade to slice my fabric open.)

"You have to fall," my friend responded. It's not just a matter of being willing to risk the failure -- it's a matter of falling and learning how to pick yourself up again. When we see a pretty outfit and perfect landings, we forget the falls that led them there.

To be honest, the past few weeks have forced me to begin dealing with some falls. In my musical imperfections, sin issues, and other pain, I've been looking for the shortcut. I've wanted to take the bow without taking the bruise.

My friend and I didn't fall while we skated yesterday, but as we sat in a café and drank tea together, we talked about the bruises and broken bones that are part of this life. We listened and shared our pain. As we talked, I was reminded of the beautiful acceptance we find in the body of Christ.

We all fall. None of us has the twists and turns mastered yet. My bruise may be in a different place than yours, but it's there just the same. By the grace of Jesus, we can look forward together to the healing we'll find in heaven -- beautiful music, white robes and all.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Evidently, we hug...

2010-11-03T12:01:00.000-05:00

We all have those awkward moments. You know... the kind when someone waves at you, and you are trying to figure out who they are. You don't remember, but you play along, because they obviously know, and you wouldn't want to hurt their feelings.

Walking back onto campus a couple weeks ago, after our break, I was greeted by an excited redhead. She was waving, running toward me with arms outstretched, exclaiming that she hadn't seen me in FOREVER. I love getting greetings like this from my friends. (And, being the doll that I am, I get lots of hugs...) There was only one problem...

I didn't have a clue who she was.

Wracking my cotton-filled brain for any recollection of this young lady, I opened my arms in return. This went beyond waving and playing along. This went beyond saying hi and pretending I knew her life story -- obviously our relationship went deeper. Evidently, we hug...

She gave me an enthusiastic embrace. Then, she said the words that made this situation all the more awkward. "Do I know you?"

"Ummm... no. No. You don't." I stood there stunned, realizing to my embarrassment that she had been intending to hug the person behind me.

Playing along is always a gamble. You never know if the other person actually knows you or not, or if they're just pretending, too. You realize how awkward it is, then move on with your life. Unfortunately, that's not the end of my story.

The next night, I met up with a friend. (Just to clarify... I actually knew this person.) He turned and introduced me to a tall girl with red hair. Normally, you say, "Nice to meet you." Never in my life have I heard a greeting like this one.

"Did I hug you yesterday?"

With love... and hugs... from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Destination: ISRAEL!

2010-10-18T09:37:00.000-05:00

I've been busy lately getting ready for the tour to Israel with the Women's Concert Choir at school. We're planning to give concerts and serve the people in Israel for two weeks in May, and all of us are getting excited. Rehearsals are happening, support letters are being written and stuffed, and we're talking about t-shirt designs. We recently had pictures taken, and we all had to have our dresses hemmed. Mine was just a bit long, but we fixed it. I had a friend run the sewing machine. (It's dangerous for dolls to sew -- we might get sewn to the clothes ourselves, and then where would we be?)

I've been so blessed by the music in rehearsal. Words about looking to heaven, God's amazing grace, and pressing on in suffering soothe my soul every time we practice, and I can't imagine what a ministry the program will be, even to us girls in choir. Our director puts so much time into choosing the music, and carefully selects Scripture to go with it. I'm looking forward to worshiping God through this music nearly every day for two weeks -- what a blessing!

The next step involves passports. Next thing I know we'll be planning what to pack... and in a few short months I'll be in the Holy Land. In the meantime, I need to polish some accompaniments, learn the second alto part, and pray fervently that God provides the grace to accomplish it all. Or... rather, that He accomplishes it all, and maybe uses me as a tool. I'd appreciate your prayers during this time of preparation.

So... without further ado -- the prayer request list! As I blog about Israel tour preparations, I'll give two or three specific prayer requests, and would appreciate your intercession for us.

Pray that the work I do on accompaniments would be excellent, and that God would multiply my efforts during my practice hours.
Pray that I would be able to prioritize my time well, get enough sleep and continue to take care of my health. Every individual member's energy affects our effectiveness as a choir. (My health has been doing so much better, by the way!)
Pray that our support raising would be a bonding time for the choir, and that the mutual dependence on God for the finances of the trip would cause us to grow closer to Him and each other.

One more thing... if you're praying, would you comment and let me know? It would be such an encouragement to me during our preparation process that God has raised up some prayer warriors on our behalf.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Friendship, Fountains, and Fall

2010-10-13T22:52:00.001-05:00

The city has enjoyed a beautiful October heat wave. Combining the gorgeous reds, browns and golds of autumn with the warmth of summer doesn't always happen, and I've been loving it. The flowers are still blooming in the parks, the fountains are still running, and the city is a perfect place to enjoy a relaxing Sunday afternoon.

It's important to take a break every now and then. In the midst of the stress of mid-term exams and projects, a friend and I chose to take a much needed break and walk around the city. We stopped in at some cute little shops, and looked in the window at others. We walked through a park and enjoyed the fountain. (My friend lifted me up so I could see it. She got my fabric a bit wet, but I splashed her back.) We went to an African worship concert that evening, and then had dinner at an Italian restaurant with sidewalk seating. I've always wanted to eat on a city sidewalk. :) I finished the evening refreshed, and much more prepared to study for exams.

There's something so charming about the city on a Sunday afternoon. Very few have a huge agenda. A lot of people are ambling, sitting on a park bench and reading, or stopping for a leisurely dinner at a restaurant. The bustling you see on a Saturday at Macy's was gone in the quaint little shops in this part of the city. Oh, there were still some in a hurry. There was a rowdy bunch at a sports bar watching the big game as we passed by. There were people standing in line, hoping to get their spot at a restaurant, and there were cars driving constantly.

But still, most seemed to have stopped for a moment to enjoy life. Maybe that's what heat waves in October do. Maybe everyone was just grabbing the last bit of warm weather they could. Or maybe I saw the city through rose colored glasses that afternoon. Perhaps my determination to set aside my worries caused me to see the world as carefree. Whatever the case, I found the city delightful on Sunday, and it's left me in something of a nostalgic mood.

I was also reminded that afternoon of the beauty of friendship. A very close friend and I enjoyed the afternoon together, forgetting about homework for a while and sharing the stresses and joys of life. Our choir director joined us for dinner, and we enjoyed fellowship and laughter as the evening waned.

Honestly, I don't know how I would have made it through midterms if it hadn't been for some intentional rest. When you use your brain all the time, the stuffing gets squished from so much hard thinking, and you get tense all over. Sometimes, you need to be a little floppy and flexible. I reaped the benefits of that rest this weekend.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

SuperDoll!

2010-09-28T18:29:00.000-05:00

I ended up with whatever "gunk" has been going around campus this week. Normally, I'd push through, maybe take a nap or two, and be fine. This time around, pushing ahead wasn't an option. Frankly, a bad cold, left alone, could give me a relapse. So I've taken care of it... and fought it within an inch of my life.

You see, I want to be better. And I was getting better!! I was right on my way back to "SuperDoll" mode -- I could stay up late, I could do my homework, I could practice my full amount, I could do it all... and I didn't want to admit that having a cold could take me down.

My roommate had to tell me that I should skip church to sleep. My piano teacher had to tell me that I should skip class to sleep. My mother had to tell me that I should miss my volunteer tutoring in the projects to go to bed early. And when I wasn't being told by people who care about me that I should take care of myself, everyone I saw was asking me if I felt okay. "You look white," a friend observed just today.

I hate this... SuperDoll is an undefeated power, with lungs of steel.

But in the midst of hating this, God communicated a beautiful truth to me.

I will do anything I can to get better. I willingly schedule time for my breathing treatments, getting up early, sneaking out a few minutes in the middle of my day, and leaving time before I go to bed. I know that if I don't, I'll pay for it. I won't be SuperDoll without my treatments.

But at the same time, I make excuses about not finding time for God's Word. You know that superhuman strength I need to live each moment in the Spirit? I can't get that on my own... but I've observed that I more willingly carve out time to be a physical SuperDoll than to be a spiritual one. That is a huge disconnect.

So, to give this dense, cotton-filled head a bit of a connector, I have decided to spend time in the Word while I do my treatments. It may be a small start, but I'll be associating the spiritual sustenance with the physical. When I'm fully recovered physically, I'm hoping the lesson will stick...

I'm also hoping I'll remember that my lungs are made of cotton, not steel. :)

With love from an absolute (but not so super) doll,

Erin Joy

When life is beautiful

2010-09-23T14:00:00.000-05:00

It was a simple day. We were in jeans and tennis shoes, with sweaters and sweatshirts for the fall weather. We met in the plaza and headed to the train station.We stopped for a brief moment at a coffee shop, saw people we knew, and chatted for a bit.

We got on the train and found ourselves laughing and talking, just like normal. Unsure which stop to choose for our destination, we struck up conversation with a middle-aged man on the train. He had a disability, so when we arrived at the stop, Chris helped him off.

We walked to the park and were immediately surrounded by masses of people. It took a while, but we finally found an empty spot to set our blankets and enjoy the evening. (You have no idea how hard it is to push through a crowd when you can't see over anyone's knees.)

Sprawled on blankets in the park, we waited for the rest of the group. It was one of those picturesque fall Sundays, meant for outings like this one. While we waited, I braided Linnea's hair, and Chris took pictures. Our other friends arrived, and we brought out the food -- popcorn, bananas, and granola bars. (I crawled inside the popcorn bag to get the last few kernels.)

Then the music began. The city's symphony orchestra played, celebrating its new conductor. Selections by Verdi, Liszt, Tchaikovsky, and Respighi came soaring from the stage. As the beautiful melodies floated through the air, I couldn't help but feel blessed.

Blessed to have such beautiful friendships. Blessed to hear music of that grandeur. Blessed to be in a part of the world where the seasons change, where September has its chilly moments. Blessed to be redeemed. Blessed to be alive.

Sometimes, life is beautiful. When God grants you a beautiful moment, take it, take pleasure in it, and praise Him... for every good and perfect gift comes from above.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

The Glory of God or the Magnifying of Me?

2010-09-05T18:52:00.000-05:00

Well, duh. Of course we're going to choose the glory of God. It's kind of a no brainer, right??

While it should be, I'm sure all of us have areas in our lives where we let God's glory take second place to our wishes and desires. Recently, I've been convicted of this egotism in a very touchy area: church music.

What purposes does music in the church serve? That's not a rhetorical question; I'd welcome your comments. The two that come most readily to my mind are the praise of God (Psalm 33:2-3) and the edification of others (Ephesians 5:19).

I cannot think of a single passage in Scripture where it instructs us to sing praise to God to please ourselves. Don't get me wrong -- I'm not saying music cannot or should not be enjoyed. I'm a music major, so of course I love music! Corporate worship is not the only context for music given in Scripture by any means.

I'm just suggesting that, at least in the corporate worship setting, music always has an audience. The audience is God, other people, or, I think legitimately, both. We are instructed to "make melody to the Lord with all your heart" and to address "one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs." (Ephesians 5:19)

Here comes the convicting part. When we quarrel, whine, or refuse to worship because of the style of a song, we are neither edifying our fellow believers nor praising God. If that is the case, then music in the church is pointless.

It must break God's heart to see the "worship wars" in our churches today. Honestly, whether we sing all hymns or all praise choruses or a mix, whether we use drums or an organ, we have missed the point if we are not edifying the rest of the body and praising God.

I think a lot of us honestly think we are getting the praising God point. I have heard people say, "Well, I can't praise God with that song because I hate it." I have been guilty of that same sentiment myself. When we express it, we think we're getting the worship thing -- we want to be able to praise God more effectively, right?

Wrong. I don't think putting praising God in a box like that is possibly glorifying to Him. While I'm all for praising God in a style we connect to (hey -- I'm surrounded by budding ethnomusicologists!), I think leaving out the other ingredient to music in corporate worship is dangerous.

When we refuse to praise God because we hate the music, we are refusing to put others' interests ahead of our own. Remember the other audience Ephesians gives? The church. We are to address each other with songs. Maybe the style that I hate is presenting a song someone else in the body needs to hear that morning. Maybe by choosing to put their interests first and praise God along with them, I can in turn be made more Christ-like.

I can guarantee you that He will not be glorified by our bickering, by our arrogance in promoting our style first, or by our childish attitudes. He commands us to be unified, to show love to each other. I think those commands include music.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Well, I'm back in the city...

2010-08-23T12:46:00.000-05:00

... and back to school. My first class was this morning, and I'm looking forward to taking courses in musical form and analysis, piano literature, Baroque counterpoint, philosophy, and how the Bible came to be. I'm working close to 15 hours a week this semester.

I have two new roommates, since the previous two left me to get married. (Seriously, why would you give up rooming with a doll like me???) They are both very sweet, and I'm looking forward to getting to know them better.

Last night was such a blessing. One of my former roommates invited several of us over to her apartment. At the end of the evening, four of us were left, and we spent some quality time in prayer for various situations we were facing. I left feeling prepared to start the semester. Spending time in the presence of the Almighty will do that... :)

One of my goals this fall is to blog more often. I'm going to start by aiming for at least one post a week. I'm hoping to do a series on church music philosophies soon... so watch for that.

Another goal of mine is to make my time in God's Word even more of a priority. I'm thinking about doino shg an inductive Bible study on 1 Peter, and I definitely plan to share posts on what God is teaching me.

I also need to keep seeing and doing in the city. While, yes, my studies, work and time with God need to be prioritized, I do want to take advantage of the exciting opportunities available to students in the city setting.

But, for now... I'm going to run to class. :)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

The Dolly Daily... except it's really a weekly :)

2010-08-14T21:37:00.002-05:00

This summer, I've been working full-time at my local newspaper. I realized today that I hadn't given you the promised post chronicling my adventures, and the summer is almost over!

So, where to start? My job has involved a whole host of different things, which is one of the reasons I love it so much. (That and the fact that I get to be a techie... but you already read about that!!)

This summer, I got to start a new feature column that we've been running every other week. Rather than filling it with my deep dolly insights, I've been interviewing various people in our coverage area about cooking. The column includes a picture of the featured chef, a profile of them, and three of their favorite recipes. Often, I've gotten to meet someone at their home, eat their incredible food, and get paid to ask them questions about it. No... I haven't put on any extra stuffing... don't worry. :)

Another of my little "projects" has been visiting the area library and looking at microfilm. I've been reading about what happened in my small town 10, 25, and 50 years ago. It's been pretty interesting... from the winners of a beard growing contest to the price of a subscription 50 years ago. And did you know that my hometown theatre showed the movie "Portrait in Black" in color when it first came out?

In addition to my normal responsibilities as a feature writer, I've gotten to explore photography a little more as well. Actually, I've probably done as much photography as I have writing this summer... which isn't normal for me! I've found that a good camera makes it much easier to take good pictures, and I actually enjoy photography now.

I've loved the newspaper this summer -- the teamwork in the office, the chance to meet new people, the rush to complete a project before the deadline (okay, so our deadlines aren't THAT intense, but still!), the challenge of finding the perfect angle for a story, and the constant reality that the product I'm producing is so much bigger than I am... :)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Thoughts on "Riven"

2010-08-09T22:17:00.003-05:00

As a college student, I seldom have time read much besides textbooks. This summer has been no different; I've been reading my New Testament Survey textbook and the press releases that come into the newspaper where I work.

Being sick changed some of that. I didn't quite have the energy to study a scholarly analysis of the background of Paul's letters, and so, on a Saturday afternoon when I was doped up on Benedryl, I raided the church library.

My curiosity had been piqued by Jerry Jenkins's book Riven. He describes it as a work of a lifetime, as "the novel I have always wanted to write." I had enjoyed reading one of his books on writing at the beginning this summer while recovering from my concussion, and wanted to read some of his fiction as well.

Riven was no disappointment. Jenkins wove a story with true-to-life characters and conflicts. I believed Thomas Carey's plight, the pastor who had been walked on by countless congregations, never seeing fruit in his ministry. Brady Wayne Darby's constant battles to escape the trailer park were all to no avail, and my heart broke for him.

Sometimes I was angry with the characters for not responding the way I thought they should, but always their motives made sense to me. It takes skillful writing to present characters who are believable even when their actions are illogical. Sometimes human behavior defies logic.

All this was accomplished with a beautiful writing style. Jenkins writes in a way that doesn't interfere with the story. I find it difficult to enjoy a poorly written story because I am constantly distracted by my annoyances with the style. It can be equally difficult to read writing that constantly draws attention to itself as phenomenal and complex. Jenkins has neither fault -- his writing tells a story, and it was only after reading a while that I noticed how beautifully he was doing it.

One final thought before I close: This book resonated with me deeply. A theme woven throughout the story is the long wait for the fruit of Kingdom labor. The story spans seventeen years, and when it opens, Thomas Carey is already worn with waiting. How willing am I to wait for God's redemption of a sinner? The beautiful ending would never have been possible without the painful wait, but it's never easy to see that in the meantime.

Well... I'm still not feeling the best, so I should probably sign off for the night and head for bed. (Or maybe I should stay sick... I seem to get a lot of worthwhile reading done that way...)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

the list gets shorter...

2010-08-02T15:04:00.000-05:00

I now have bronchitis. :( After having more complications with my asthma over the weekend, we went to the doctor this morning, and I got put on prescription drug number four. I'm starting to feel the Prednisone kicking in at long last, and hopefully I should be myself in a few days. I'm drinking lots of water, and I had chicken and rice soup for lunch.

Still, I can't shake a comment a doctor made during my first visit ten days ago. "Stick with music... I wouldn't go out for sports."

You see, dear readers, I have realized that the options for my hobbies and careers are narrowing. As young Anne Shirley once put it, "My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes."

I can never go out for sports. (Exercise is an asthma trigger.)

I will never be a professional house painter. (Paint fumes caused problems Wednesday morning.)

I will never be able to climb Mount Everest. (While my Prednisone has me wired enough that I want to, I have to realize that the altitude might not be beneficial for my breathing.)

I will never be the jazz pianist in the cocktail bar. (Too much smoke...)

I can never be the manager of a grain co-op. (Burnt, moldy corn from a grain fire at the elevator in my hometown was probably what sent me over the edge.)

I can never pursue a career in veterinary medicine. (I can handle animals in limited quantity for a short period of time... but maybe I spent too much time at the county fair?)

I can never be a firefighter. (This one doesn't quite need any explanation...)

Well... as sad as the narrowing career options are, I have to admit, I'm glad to be on the road to recovery. I'm also glad to know what my triggers are... now I can behave myself and avoid them.

Even if it means I'll never be able to be a professional carpet cleaner. :)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

"the breath of all mankind"

2010-07-30T20:23:00.000-05:00

My asthma is back in full force, and as I've sat at home doped up on Benedryl, and hyped up by albuterol and steroids, I've been thinking.

Job 12:10 says, "In His hand is the life of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind."

God is in control. Every breath I take is enabled by Him... whether my lungs are swollen or not. You see, it's easy to remember that God is the one enabling my breath when I'm coughing and wheezing. When every breath feels like a victory, I know God is in control.

But what about when the asthma's over? In a few weeks, when my lungs are back to normal and I'm only puffing occasionally, what then? Is God still enabling each breath? Or is it just going on as normal, under His control only when there's a problem?

If I ever allow myself to forget that my life is in God's hands, shame on me. Asthmatic or not, breathing is a gift from God. He can give it, and He can take it away... and blessed be His name regardless.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

"Experiencing God" and His many names

2010-07-05T11:35:00.003-05:00

This summer, I have joined a ladies' Bible study at my home church. It meets at 6 a.m. on a weekday morning, so I've been faithfully drinking my coffee that morning. :) (When a brain is made out of stuffing like mine is, it needs a lot of caffeine to wake it up in the morning.)

We've been using the study Experiencing God by Henry and Richard Blackaby and Claude King. From the very first day, God has been using this study to convict and challenge me. I've realized I need to place the focus back on God and His work, not on me and how I want to focus on Him.

Focusing on oneself can be a very subtle thing. You can be convinced you're focused solely on God and what He wants you to do for Him... and then come to a realization that you're really focusing on what you can do for God, not on God Himself.

I was unsure how to fix this problem (funny how a little doll like me is convinced that I can fix everything in my life), and then one day, the lesson was on worshiping God. We were given a list of God's names and instructed to meditate on them. This was a long list -- 2 pages, 3 columns each, in about 7 point font. Trust me; when the page is bigger than you are, that's a lot of names of God. I got stuck on the first one (a faithful God), and didn't get any farther that day.

Ever since, I've been meditating on these names, moving down the list one by one. I've read the Scripture that introduces the name or the attribute, and have seen God as faithful, ready to forgive, a saving refuge, a glorious crown, a jealous and avenging God, and today, as my refuge and stronghold. I meditate on these names throughout the day, and I've already been noticing a shift in focus. Suddenly, it's about WHO God is, not what He wants me to do. I'm seeing ways He is faithful to me, ways He has and is forgiving me, ways he has been my refuge. Today, I read in Joel a description of His wrath juxtaposed against His tenderness and protection for Israel. I'm excited to continue to encounter this mighty and wonderful God anew.

What are names of God that have had great significance for you? How have you encountered Him lately?

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

In which Erin Joy becomes a "techie"

2010-06-13T17:55:00.003-05:00

Last summer, when I came back to the country, I had no idea what I'd be doing. I ended up working at the newspaper where I worked in high school, and waiting tables. This summer, the newspaper was able to give me full-time work, so that's my only job. It has definitely had its interesting moments.

Upon arriving, it soon became apparent that, while my job requires a computer, the computer available to me was broken. Since I was the only one with disposable time, I was asked to diagnose the problem.

You have to understand, dear readers, that I do not fix computers as a general rule. No. The most I ever do is call my brother, and he tells me over the phone exactly what to do. While I do run Ubuntu as my personal operating system, that is more do to the tech savvy of my computer engineering brothers than my own knowledge of it. The idea of me being appointed techie seemed somewhat laughable.

I used Google. And help menus. And the Apple software assistance page. And somehow, I managed to fix that computer. I was relatively terrified going into the situation, but I guess some of the tech savvy wore off... maybe by listening to it for so long from my brothers, it managed to work its way into my stuffing. I still feel completely incapable of doing anything beyond installing an operating system, though... there is a definite limit to how much computer savvy can be learned by osmosis (or diffusion... or whatever it is... I'm not a scientist, either!).

We still have to wait and see if the problem was actually the operating system, but that question is for someone with more tech savvy than a little doll like me to answer. There's a reason I'm not another computer engineer in the family.

Well, I'm afraid my other adventures at the newspaper will have to be put off for another day... so until then, dear readers!

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

a doggy and a dolly

2010-06-05T11:36:00.004-05:00

I took my Bible and coffee out to the back porch this morning, intending to have a quiet time in God's Word while enjoying the beautiful summer day. I didn't expect to enjoy Pepper, the old farm dog whose presence has often annoyed me.

When I was in high school, reading on the back porch meant dealing with a jumpy dog who wouldn't sit still, got my fabric wet with her drool, and got her doggy breath all over my face. (Yes, I can smell without a nose. Don't ask me how that works...)

I would go out to the porch with great intentions, but before too long usually headed back inside. I was willing to pet the dog, but only in moderation. In the words of one of my mentors, "Dogs just gross me out."

Please don't hate me, dog lovers. I love dogs in theory. I love the idea that a pet can become your best friend. I think it's sweet when people love their dogs and dote on them. I have just never mourned the fact that I'm allergic and have an impending asthma attack as a legitimate reason never to have them in my house. :) (Yes... I have asthma without a nose, too... and we wouldn't want my stuffing to tighten up so I couldn't breathe, now would we?)

This morning this reaction was different. I was sitting on the swing, contentedly reading my Bible, and the dog came up. This time, she just looked at me a little mournfully. She quietly sat down. I reached out and petted her, then returned to my Bible. Pepper stood up slowly and opened her mouth, drooling on the concrete as she panted for more.

The dog isn't jumpy anymore. She's entering her old age, and the end doesn't seem to be too far away. She moves slowly and sadly, and when I petted her again before I went inside, she seemed grateful that anyone would pay attention to her at all. She doesn't want to play like she used to. She just wants a friend.

I started to realize that the dog has been faithfully there. She's barked to let me know when strangers drive on the farm. She's played with me when I wanted her to, and whined when I didn't. She's put up with being loved by some of us and ignored by others, but she still loves us all the same.

Now, as she's getting older, I'm realizing that the farm won't quite be the same without her. It's already tangibly different. She doesn't run up to meet me anymore when I get home from work. She just comes and finds me and looks mournfully at me on the porch swing. She drools on the concrete instead of my fabric, and lies down behind the swing as I read instead of jumping on me.

And, yes, dog lovers, I think I'm going to miss her.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Thoughts on "Mr. Holland's Opus"

2010-05-31T21:46:00.007-05:00

I watched Mr. Holland's Opus for the first time last night. I'd seen clips from it before, but never the whole movie.

For those of you readers who have not seen this movie, put it next on your movie-watching queue. I was blown away by this realistic portrait of a teacher, musician, husband, and father. Mr. Holland, full of his weaknesses, proved to be a hero in the end, and made all of us watching the movie get a bit teary-eyed.

I think it was Mr. Holland's weaknesses that made him such a believable character. I, for one, identified with his passion for music, and also how that came with its own set of temptations.

As a musician, it is easy to let a love for music take precedence over everything else, even the people to whom you are teaching it. Watching Mr. Holland deal with the pressures of teaching people who didn't seem destined for success was inspiring for me. It wasn't easy, but he learned how to offer both criticism and encouragement, and how to teach in a way that inspired enjoyment in the kids.

He also had to learn that his personal musical goals could sometimes play second fiddle (Pardon the pun; I know it's terrible!) to his family life. This was another hard lesson for Mr. Holland, and it is something with which I easily identify. When is the time to focus and prioritize time as a musician, and when is the time to set aside the metronome and listen to a friend? It is difficult to recognize that there may be seasons in my life when classical music will have to be lower on the priority list.

Still, the movie also captured the rewards of prioritizing correctly. Things fell into place when Mr. Holland learned to place family and students first. Will this always happen? Not perfectly like it did for Mr. Holland, perhaps, but we are promised that "all these things will be added to you" when we seek the Kingdom first.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

a concussion, finals week, and finally a blogpost...

2010-05-23T14:41:00.003-05:00

Life advice: Do NOT get a concussion during finals week of spring semester.

I did not follow this life advice.

The Sunday night before finals, my roommate was opening the door for me. It was one of those big, heavy metal fire doors, which probably weighs about three times as much as a little doll like me. As she opened it and I started to walk through, it caught on my foot, ricocheted back, and slammed my head between the door and the doorframe.

Two days later, I went to health service, was diagnosed with a concussion, and decided to complete my final exams. My stuffing was a bit rattled and squished, so the doctor wrote me a note to give to my professors. I spread my finals over the rest of the week, and I still have to finish one paper. I spend most of my week napping, taking Tylenol, and trying to pack (with the help of another friend who ought to be nominated for sainthood!).

I learned a few things through this concussion (besides the life advice already mentioned). First, always start projects early. If I hadn't started some of my assignments ahead of time, I never would have survived finals week in one piece, because the workload I would have tried to accomplish would have been double or triple.

I also learned to be very grateful for good friends! There were lots of wonderful people who helped, whether it were packing my suitcases, cleaning the apartment, taking my shifts at work, or telling me to go to bed. (Hey... I'm tough! I don't want to admit that a concussion can get me down...)

And, finally, I learned that, in general, slamming your head in a door is something to be avoided.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

and the semester winds down...

2010-04-21T23:22:00.001-05:00

Wow!! It's hard to believe that there are just a few more weeks left in the semester! Just thinking about everything I have to get done is a bit overwhelming... in the next three weeks I have to put together a notebook of conducting resources, finish writing a piano arrangement, write a ten page paper on music of a specific ethnic group, practice ten plus hours a week, and do a few other little "odds and ends."

I'm also taking a trip out the suburbs for a bridal shower, hosting my mom for a weekend, and then going out to the country for a graduation party... all before finals week. It's going to be busy, but a good kind of busy. A doll like me can't sit around and twiddle her thumbs, you know. (Of course, since I don't have thumbs, that makes it all the more difficult.)

And then... what does the summer hold, you ask? Well, after all of these projects are finshed and I've packed and stored my belongings, I'm going back home to the country! :) I'm going to work at the newspaper where I've worked since high school. I'll format articles, write articles, do the layout, and all the other odds and ends they need. I'm really looking forward to it. I like that job, and it'll be nice to spend the summer with my family.

I hope to do a lot of practicing this summer, take a correspondence course, and hopefully catch up on my scrapbooking. I also plan to blog... :)

Also, this summer, both my roommates are getting married. One of their weddings is before I head home, but the other wedding will bring me back to the city for a weekend.

Well... that's pretty much it for now. I'll post again soon, but in the meantime, I should get out of my backpack and get some sleep. :)

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Thoughts on the Twilight Saga

2010-04-18T21:39:00.002-05:00

At this point, I have chosen not to read the Twilight saga. Honestly, I have struggled with making this post about it, because it's uncomfortable to make a controversial statement. It wasn't until I had a conversation with a good friend the other day that I realized that perhaps a post like this could be useful.

It frustrates me when Christians make uninformed arguments against popular literature and movies. I'll be the first person to say that people should carefully think through their arguments for and against Harry Potter, and should look at the facts before throwing away the Lord of the Rings movies. (As a matter of fact, I've read one of the Harry Potter books, and am an avid LOTR fan.)

But it also disturbs me when we Christians refuse to think about the literature we devour. Literature, and all other forms of art, have the power to impact the way we think, the way we view our world, and the way we view sin.

Uninformed arguments for or against something, as I mentioned before, are frustrating to all parties concerned. Therefore, I would like to be perfectly upfront. Since I have not read the Twilight saga, I cannot speak to every good or bad theme it may have. However, there are a couple central issues I would like to address.

Vampires are real people. In fact, after the Twilight books and movies came out, both ABC and the Washington Post published articles on these real-life vampires. If this were a fictional lifestyle that no one lived, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. But honestly, this is a real practice of the occult that is happening in our country today. These people are, according to the Washington Post article, using the Twilight books to get a good reputation. That alone makes me nervous about thoughtlessly reading the books just for the good story.

Also, when looking on the official website for the Twilight series, I read that the books were inspired by a dream. If you look at the whole counsel of Scripture, it is very apparent that dreams may have spiritual significance. This is addressed specifically in Deuteronomy 13:1-3: "If a prophet or a dreamer of dreams arises among you and gives you a sign or a wonder, and the sign or wonder that he tells you comes to pass, and if he says, 'Let us go after other gods,' which you have not known, 'and let us serve them,' you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams..."

Do we intend to take Scripture literally? Or is being up on the latest fad more important?

I can't claim to have made the perfect decisions. As I said earlier, I have chosen to read some literature which others find problematic. I have endeavored to read with a critical mind, but maybe there are some areas where even a critical mind is not enough.

Ephesians 5:11 commands us to "take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them." Are our choices of literature and movies reflecting a Christ-like attitude in this area? Are the ways we are discussing them with our friends, saved and unsaved, exposing the works of darkness, or blindly taking part in them? There is no middle ground.

I'm not telling you you cannot read Twilight. I'm just asking you to think about it.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Spending the weekend with cows :)

2010-04-02T21:42:00.005-05:00

Hello!! I am writing to you from a little farm a few hours away from my city. It's Easter weekend, and since my own farm is too far away, one of my dear friends invited me home with her! Being out in the country for the weekend has been incredibly refreshing so far.

I've enjoyed spending time in a small town, and having lunch at a cute little cafe, where my friend knows the owner. We studied at the library today, too... it's a gorgeous stone building with lace curtains. It felt so homey and friendly. I got a lot of homework done, but still have more to do tomorrow. A doll is never quite finished, now, is she?

I met the pastor of my friend's church today. As soon as he met me, he asked me to play for church on Sunday. I love that about small churches! He's never met me, and I'm playing for Easter Sunday... :)

My friend also gave me a tour of her farm. I got to see the greenhouses, the horses, the cows, the dogs. She raised dairy cows growing up, so I got to see her pet cows. While loving cows like pets is something I never did, it reminded me a lot of home. (And, just for the record, I did raise a bucket calf one summer. ONE summer...)

Just wandering around outside was so beautiful and peaceful. While I do still love the city, I think it's good to get away sometimes and enjoy the beauty of God's creation. Being away from the city has brought out the small-town heart in me.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Thoughts on "The Blind Side"

2010-03-27T20:10:00.006-05:00

I saw The Blind Side, starring Sandra Bullock (Academy Award winner for best actress in this film), for the first time tonight. Before you tell me that I'm a little behind the times... let me remind you that a doll like me gets pretty busy. (Also... whenever I go to the movie theater, I always sit behind someone taller than me. You try being 0' 10 3/4" and then you'll understand...)

In the movie, a white family adopts an African American young man who grew up in the projects in Memphis, Tennessee. They help Michael improve his grades and learn to play football, eventually getting him a football scholarship to a college (with some plot twists along the way).

I was very impressed with the movie. I could talk about how it painted Christians in a relatively good light, or about what a good actress Sandra Bullock is, but honestly, the thing I'm left with as an audience member was what a beautiful movie it was. My only concern is that movie-goers across America watched the movie, maybe even cried or felt moved, but did nothing about it.

I tutor African-American high school students in the projects in my city. I've seen firsthand that the life that Michael Oher led was not an exception, except for one thing. He was adopted and had a chance to make it in the world. These kids I tutor are working on their college applications... but that's because an organization from my church is offering tutoring, help with physical needs, and people who care about the children enough to believe in them.

For every Michael Oher, there are countless children who won't get that chance. They'll drop out of high school and do drugs just like their parents. They'll be bounced from foster home to foster home. They'll get pregnant at 16 (some already are), and, as one of my friends put it, they'll see more before they turn six than I'll see in my lifetime. At the same time, they may never leave their neighborhood.

In the meantime, we sit in our cushy American homes and help by tutoring once a week, if that. We worry more about our own safety, our own comfort, and our own schedule than we do about the lives of these children... we spend money on a movie ticket to see one of their success stories that could have gone to buy one of them a meal. It seems kind of inconsistent, don't you think?

Perhaps God isn't calling you to work with kids in the inner city projects. Obviously, that's not where He has placed everyone. But I can tell you one thing: God didn't call you to be comfortable. He called you to be a comforter of the brokenhearted... and I think there's a big difference.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Mountains, Much-Afraid, and M&M's

2010-03-21T17:59:00.004-05:00

Hello, everyone... it's me, Erin Joy.

I know I've been absent for a while... but I've been told occasionally that a doll like me is very much missed, so I thought I'd start posting again. :)

I just got back from a wonderful tour with the Women's Concert Choir. We spent most of it in the Virginias and Carolinas, enjoying fellowship, music, sight seeing... and LOTS of chocolate! Our "signature" candy is the M&M... you'd be surprised at how many of those a doll like me can eat. (Maybe that's where I got that extra cotton...)

One of the things I've appreciated most about WCC is the spiritual focus the group has. In addition to prayer time each week with a small group, we have weekly devotions. This semester, we've been going through the book Hinds' Feet on High Places. On tour, parts of Hinds' Feet were able to come to life as we looked out over the mountains of North Carolina from the famous Chimney Rock.

God used Hinds' Feet, Chimney Rock, and a host of other experiences over the past few weeks to cause me to realize a very important lesson. Once again, He asked me to surrender. I've had a list of "worst case scenarios" that could happen, and had subconsciously decided that if God asked me to do one of these things I would be very unwilling. God started showing me this lack of surrender before we left on tour, and then it all began to culminate at Chimney Rock.

As I looked out over the gorgeous mountains, I realized anew how majestic and huge my God is. When you compare God to a tiny doll like me... I'm pretty small. I know He is loving and good... but He deserves to be followed because He is God, not just because He has my best interests at heart.

The chapter from Hinds' Feet we had just read echoed this same lesson. In the chapter, the Shepherd asked Much-Afraid what she would do if everything appeared that He had deceived her. "My Lord," she said, "if you can deceive me, you may. It can make no difference. I must love you as long as I continue to exist. I cannot live without loving you."

God's majesty and character drove me that day to a new kind of surrender: a surrender not based on what God might call me to do, but a surrender based on who God is. Because, like Much-Afraid, I had to realize that no matter what He asks, it makes no difference. I must love Him and follow Him, because that's what He deserves.

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

a big city doll once again... :)

2009-08-30T17:36:00.001-05:00

The past week has been pretty insane -- I moved into school on the 20th, and ever since it's been going, going, going... maybe it'll settle down soon?? :)

This semester is going to keep me pretty busy. I'm taking almost all music classes: music history, contemporary music theory, piano service playing, conducting, and church music philosophy. I'm also taking a course in church history/western civilization, plus piano lessons and ensembles. I'm pretty excited for most of my classes... it's just going to keep me quite busy. :) (When your textbooks are taller than you are, it gets a bit difficult.)

For those of you wondering about my job situation, God is continuing to provide in that area. I'm working a variety of "odd jobs" in the music department this year: I'm a TA for one of the professors, a music building deskworker, a student accompanist, and a teacher in the Community Music School. There's a couple other possibilities, too... we'll have to see how those pan out.

I'm loving being back in the city. I think I've missed the activity, the bustling streets, the city sights and smells. The other night one of my roommates and I went down to the water and enjoyed a picnic lunch. It was so much fun! I've realized I need to do that more often: get off campus and take in the world around me.

Well... that's all for now. I'll try to keep you updated a little more often. :)

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Simple Blessings

2009-08-01T20:10:00.000-05:00

"Life is just a bowl of cherries..."

My summer has not been a perfect bowl of cherries. In fact, I was pretty discouraged in mid-July. I found myself wondering why my summer wasn't being perfect and simple like I wanted it to be. The cherries were staining my fabric, and I felt like I was biting down on the pits. What was I doing wrong, and how was I supposed to fix it?

But God never promised that life would be easy. God never promised that it would all go my way. He simply promised to love me and make me grow through it all. As I realized that once again, I became more aware of the need to look for the little things in life, the simple blessings.

Simple blessings are things like...

--Finding a huge mound of sweet corn sitting on the table for supper... and getting to eat it! Fresh, home-grown sweet corn, picked the right way, cooked the right way... mmmmm..... :)

--Playing a round of Scattergories with my sister at 10:00 at night... and winning!

--Driving to Bible camp on my day off

--Watching an episode of Hogan's Heroes with my family

--Calling my brother at nearly midnight on my way home from work because I had a rough day

--Fun voicemails from friends... and calling them back :)

--A gorgeous rural America sunset

--Getting a $20 tip at the restaurant... for a $30 ticket!

--Having a friend tell me she can see the joy of Christ in my eyes

--Knowing that Jesus loves me, no matter what! :)

When we look for these simple blessings, life takes a whole new perspective. Yes, there are still hard things in my summer, moments when I need nothing more than a good cry. Yes, there will continue to be times when I have to grapple with these difficulties and figure out if I need to change something. Sometimes, things will happen that I can't control and that will cause me great pain... and sometimes, life will be rough. But when the cherry stains get bigger, and when the bowl seems to be more pits than anything else, we need to look to the Savior and thank Him for giving us the bowl, trust Him to know best... and pick out whatever cherries we can.

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Waitressing Tales

2009-07-14T08:41:00.000-05:00

Being a waitress is full of adventures! Whether it's getting a $5 tip just for serving someone a Sprite, or dealing with a coffee maker that I still haven't mastered, there's always something interesting every day. This post will be a collection of musings, stories and the like... all about my summer job.

The other day, I was delivering a room service order to the third floor. (I had to climb the cart to reach the elevator button... but I got there eventually.) A lady answered the door, looking like she'd had a long day. She was exhausted, a bit disheveled, and if memory serves me correctly, had probably been crying a bit. The TV was on in the other room. As I shimmied up to the top of the cart and started shoving the plates onto her table, she looked at me and said with a pitiful look, "That's so sad... about Michael Jackson." Ummm... wow. I realize many are mourning his death, and it is sad... but this seemed just a bit over the top.

I've discovered that I sell more desserts if I describe one or two, instead of just asking if they want to see the menu. More people look at the menu after I've suggested strawberry shortcake, and if they look at the menu, they're much more likely to buy something. I've even sold a strawberry shortcake or two without bringing a menu. It sounds good, so they take it!! :)

One lady tried to convince me that it was illegal to serve a hamburger cooked medium rare. We even had the chef out there, telling her that no, it wasn't against health codes. I don't think she ever believed us. (Just for the record, dear readers, you can serve beef cooked however you want... from raw to hockey puck.)

I cooked my first crème brulée the other night. Normally, we cook this with a torch in front of the customer. It was fun and made me nervous at the same time. I was careful not to get my fabric singed.

One of my favorite tables recently had several elderly people who had driven hours that day, heading to a nearby lake for a family reunion. They stopped in the town where the restaurant is to stay the night... and they were very cheery and chatty. As soon as they found out that I had vacationed a couple years ago in their home state, they were delighted to chat, and chat, and chat... :) (I mean, after all, not every doll is as well-traveled as I!)

Well... I've got a pile of things to do before I go and wait tables tonight. So I think I'll sign off for now!

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

"A prayer to the God of my life"

2009-06-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

My devotions landed me in Psalm 42 this week. I hope and pray that this psalm can encourage you as it has me.

This beautiful psalm (which, by the way, I would encourage you to read!!) opens with the psalmist declaring that he longs for God the way a deer longs for water. But why is he longing for God? Because for whatever reason, men are surrounding him, demanding to know where his God is. The psalmist, in tears, doesn't have an easy answer. He remembers when he led triumphant people into the temple, worshiping God, but now, his soul is "cast down" and "in turmoil." Still, the psalmist forces himself to remember God's salvation in the past, and reminds himself to hope in God.

Sometimes, it isn't always easy to know where God is. I've certainly had moments in the past few weeks when I've wondered why God's doing what He's doing. I know He's sovereign. I've seen Him work in the past. But when life hits, and you feel like you're on a roller-coaster ride, and you can't see how God's working, it doesn't seem so easy anymore. You desire God, even pant after Him, but you don't know how to find Him.

For me, verse eight was the beautiful reminder that I needed, in the midst of confusing, conflicting emotions. "By day the Lord commands His steadfast love, and at night His song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life." God's love is steadfast. It doesn't change. My circumstances and my reaction are what change. The God of my life is there, steadfast, giving me His song. (You knew I'd throw the song in there, didn't you??) The song He gives me becomes my prayer. With that song, prayer, and the knowledge of His steadfast love, I'm enabled to hope and trust in Him, no matter if life makes sense or not.

As I read this psalm, my definition of thirst for God was completely transformed. Desiring God isn't some ambiguous thing that only the super-spiritual can achieve. It's something that can manifest itself in long hours in the Word or in prayer, or sometimes simply in clinging to a single promise He has given us. Thirsting for God is longing for His steadfast love to wash over you like a waterfall, even in the midst of tears. It's choosing to sing His song when circumstances seem to defy His presence. It's letting that song become a prayer... a prayer to the God of your life.

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Spring Semester Snapshots

2009-06-15T15:59:00.000-05:00

It has been far too long since my wise (or not so wise...) thoughts have entered into the wonderful world of the blogosphere. I've been busy, I've been distracted, and it's high time that I blog again.

I've posted here a couple snapshots of the rest of my semester in the big city. The top photo is of me and my dear roommates. :) While these lovely ladies and I will not be rooming together next year, we had a great year as a threesome! All three of us were women's choir members, bringing me to my next fond memory.

I loved being part of the WCC!! I was able to serve as one of the Women's Concert Choir accompanists, which was so much fun. I played the piano, turned pages, carried dress bags, and sang... sometimes. :P I have so many good memories from our tour! We were able to travel to the northeastern part of the country and sing for many people. We had the chance to stay in the homes of the congregations where we performed, which was an incredible experience. We also were priveleged to see several people trust Christ at one of our concerts. It was a blessing to be part of it.

The semester wore on, and God taught me heaps of lessons along the way. Lessons like managing my time and trusting Jehovah-Jireh to provide have been difficult, but much needed lessons to learn. God has been so good to me. It's hard to believe that I'm back in my tiny rural town, far away from the big city. I can't wait to see what the summer holds! I'm currently planning to work as a news reporter and as a waitress. (For a small doll, I've gotten some decent tips... I think some people are just impressed that I can reach the table!)

Well... as much as I know you'd love to hear all about my summer escapades, we'll have to save those for another post. Keep me in your prayers!!

With love from an absolute doll,

Erin Joy

Midnight Ramblings: Thoughts About Almighty God

2009-02-19T23:56:00.000-06:00

Before you read this post, sit and think for a couple minutes about the God you serve. I mean literally do it, not just think, "oh, I'll read this blog post and then maybe do it if I feel like it or if I have time." No... I want you to actually stop and dwell on almighty God for a couple minutes. Set a timer if you have to.

Fifty percent of you are probably still reading my blog post without stopping and thinking. Do it NOW.

Okay... assuming (hoping!) that you have done that, what did you realize? Did it occur to you in those two minutes that this God we are privileged to serve created the world? Just by talking? I talk... a lot. :) But I never create anything that way. The fact that there is a God up there who created an entire universe just by telling it to come into existence should drive me to my knees -- even before I stop and acknowledge that on top of creating the world, this God is glorious, magnificent, and powerful.

As Christians, we throw around a lot of words about God. We talk quite often about how "holy" God is, or how "sovereign" He is. Stop and think about what those words mean for just a second. God is holy, set apart. He is completely untouchable by my sinful being. We talk a lot more about how loving God is than about how holy He is. God is sovereign, powerful, ruler of all. That means He's in charge, whether I like it or not. Over and over again I'm told to surrender everything to God, to "let" Him run my life. God doesn't need me to "let" Him run my life. He just offers me the opportunity to make it less painful by agreeing to His control.

I've heard a lot of people talk about God's love and grace. Honestly, I'd be on a road headed straight for hell if it weren't for His grace. I'm not trying to say here that God is an evil killjoy in the sky. He's not. He loves me, and He's going to do what's best for me. God may be holy and untouchable, but He chose to become touchable in the form of Jesus Christ. He chose to bridge the gap, so now I can communicate with a holy God. But still, God's love and grace only make sense and are only beautiful in the framework of His holiness and sovereignty.

This is a God that doesn't need me. (If this sounds like a harsh statement, read Acts 17:24-25.) This is a God that could have simply started over after the fall. Yet for some, unexplainable reason, He chose to love me and redeem me, even at the cost of His own life. Why? I don't have that figured out yet. For some reason, the almighty God Who created the universe just by talking decided to come and die for my sins so that I could go to heaven. It sounds ludicrous... but I know it's true.

So my response? To get down on my knees, and to ask God for help. Even though I have this almighty God living inside of me now, I still don't want to surrender. I still want to think blissfully that I'm in control, that I run the universe. But if God can make the universe just by talking, He can certainly control it. And considering that I know from His death on the cross that He loves me, I think I might just see the same love in the way He controls the rest of my life. It makes a lot of sense just to admit that He's in charge and stop trying to grab the reins.

Especially when I take a minute and think about Who He is.

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Sundry Happenings

2009-02-15T21:26:00.000-06:00

My last few posts have been deep and full of serious thoughts. Enough of that!! :) For once, I'm going to give you a portrait of the daily life of a doll in the big city. Don't get used to it, though... for a small doll, I have deep thoughts pretty often.

You'll see here a lovely picture of me at a... well... we'll explain the picture later. It'll give you an incentive to read the rest of my post! (Clever, aren't I? Thanks. I thought so, too.)

I've been keeping extremely busy with several things. First... the unending job search. Jobs in a big city are very hard to come by, especially with the economy the way it is (but I promised no deep thoughts, so we won't go there). I've been searching for jobs in a variety of areas... teaching piano, working at a publishing house, serving food in the dining hall... but so far, we haven't had an official yes. (I think they're practicing height discrimination -- but it's not my fault that I'm under a foot tall!) I've scheduled a few interviews, and will keep you all updated.

In the midst of the hunt for a regular job, I've taken a couple babysitting gigs. These aren't going to be an every week thing, necessarily, but it's nice as extra income, and a relaxing time to do homework off campus. Homework...

Homework hasn't been that insane this semester. While I'm taking 17 1/4 credits this semester, the assignments have been fairly simple thus far. Sometimes I have a huge project due (like the one I worked on last night!) but for the most part, it's not that difficult to complete. Unless I have to play catch up from being sick -- which happened last week.

Yes, I got the stomach flu. It was pretty miserable -- I stayed up with it all night last Sunday, and then spent the next day recuperating. (It's pretty terrifying when you are losing your lunch into a large plastic container that's big enough to swim in.) My stomach is finally back to normal, thankfully.

I've also been hanging out with friends. We celebrated a friend's birthday a few days ago, and that was a blast. I'm continually amazed at how many close, godly friends God has brought into my life. I am so blessed.

I think that's all for now -- oh, wait, you still want to hear about the picture, don't you? I thought you'd never ask... :)

We had a "Winter Protest Party" on my floor this evening. We dressed in our summer clothes, and enjoyed pizza and frozen fruit drinks on the floor. Kind of like a picnic... inside... in the middle of winter. :) It was fun! And now I'm ready for summer...

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Teacups and Treasured Friends

2009-01-22T23:13:00.000-06:00

I have developed a taste for tea. To me, tea is more than just hot water and herbal leaves. The word "tea" carries connotations that go deeper. When I ask someone "Would you come over for tea?" I think of sipping from dainty teacups, laughing and giggling, sharing secrets and concerns, and closing our time in prayer.

Teacups make our time together extra special. There's something about a little teacup that invites intimate conversations. (I know it's almost as big as I am... but you should see me next to a ceramic mug!!) A teacup signals the need to pause and reflect, to listen to each other and enjoy quiet company. No matter how hard I try, I can't quite gulp out of a teacup. Whether we drink hot chocolate, coffee, or tea, the imporant thing is taking the time to slow down and enjoy ourselves.

That's exactly what my friends and I have begun doing. A couple close friends and I meet weekly for an evening teatime. It's so refreshing to sit, relax, and enjoy their company. We laugh and giggle, having some of the crazy conversations that college girls and dolls have. We share our hopes, our dreams, our worries. We talk about life and relationships, asking for counsel in specific situations from each other. Sometimes, tea means an exciting story... other times, it means a chance to join in prayer over a concern.

The best part is at the end. We've neglected this at some of our past tea parties, but I'm so glad that we brought it back last night. We like to end our tea in prayer. Holding hands, we come together before the throne of grace with quiet hearts. We lift the dreams, praises, and worries that we'd discussed earlier to the Lord. We end our tea feeling rested and peaceful in the knowledge of God.

It's amazing how refreshing a cup of tea can be.

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Purgatory??

2009-01-09T23:18:00.000-06:00

I am writing to you from the midst of Purgatory.

No... this is not going to be a post full of deep theological thoughts. "Purgatory" is what some of us here in the big city have nicknamed the two days right after break. (This does not mean that I affirm the doctrine of Purgatory... quite the contrary.)

Right after arriving back in the city, I went straight into intensive music rehearsals. This morning, I got up, ate breakfast, rehearsed, ate lunch, had an hour break, rehearsed, ate supper, and then rehearsed again. Tomorrow's schedule looks eerily similar. It was the craziness and ultimate exhaustion these days afford that earned them their nickname.

It feels good to be moved back into my little apartment and to have my suitcases unpacked. The skyscrapers are familiar this time around, and they don't seem quite so tall. Still, there's a twinge of sadness, part of me missing the big open skies of my small town. I guess you can't have both... :(

That's part of life, thought, isn't it? Learning to be peaceful and content no matter what. Whether in the big city or the small town, all a doll has to do is put the focus on Jesus. The rest will come. It's nice to know that He's in both places, isn't it?

Even in Purgatory. (Wait a second. Not quite sure about the doctrinal implications of that one... hmm...)

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-01T23:41:00.000-06:00

Welcome to 2009!! Have you all enjoyed celebrating, making resolutions, reflecting on the past year, and watching football? Maybe, when looking back on the past year, you celebrated by making a resolution to watch football! Whatever the case, I hope you're enjoying your year. :)

Usually, I love celebrating, but I didn't do too much of it this year (or was it last year??). I stayed up late on New Year's Eve, said "Happy New Year" when my clock switched from 11:59 to 12:00, and then went to bed. (You don't look like a doll without getting your beauty sleep, you know!) There was no wearing of big hats, no blowing of loud things, no yelling... just a quiet recognition that it was the start of a new year. I liked it this way, I think. It was peaceful. I like peace. :)

I don't think I've ever really made lots of New Year resolutions. When I was a little doll... er... well... younger, at least -- I don't think I've changed size much over the years. If anything, I've shrunk from all those rounds through the dryer!! Anyway, when I was a younger doll, I would resolve to keep a diary every year. It never happened. Typically, it lasted a solid week, and then tapered off. Isn't that what happens with most New Year's resolutions? Regardless, I've made another one (of sorts!). I decided to start going through "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, this book is a devotional, with one reading for each day of the year. I'm looking forward to using a more structured Bible study method. Look for future posts on this! :) I've also resolved to blog more often... some people have told me I need to.

As I reflect on the past year, I've seen God's handiwork. The biggest change for me this past year was my move to the big city. For a small town doll, this was a big deal! I felt so lost at first, but I'm adjusting, and I actually like it there. (A lot!!) God has been so gracious as I've made the adjustment... sending friends into my life, providing income, and giving me His peace. Remember... I like peace. :)

Now, for confession time. I hate football. Okay... maybe "hate" is too strong a word. I find football to be tolerable only when accompanied by a good book. So my New Year's Day hasn't been spent in that traditional manner. Regardless, I found it to be a pleasurable one, and I can only hope the same is true of you.

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Christmas time is here!

2008-12-22T22:25:00.000-06:00

Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year
Snowflakes in the air
Carols everywhere
Olden times and ancient rhymes
Of love and dreams to share
Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there
Christmas time is here
We'll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year...
(From the "Charlie Brown Christmas Special")

I love Christmas. I always have, always will. Some of my favorite family memories come from the Christmas season. The lights, the music, the snow, the excitement, the cookies, the presents (especially my first Christmas, when I was the present!!), and most importantly, celebrating Christ as the reason for the season. I thought I'd share some new and old Christmas memories with you this evening. Feel free to comment with your own traditions and ideas. :)

The lights. Since I was a country doll most of my life, looking at Christmas lights meant driving to a town a half an hour away so that we could look at people's extravagant light displays on their homes. I remember being pressed against the van window as the little girl next to me informed me that this was exciting and cool. I didn't have the heart to be tough and point out how overdone some of them were. Fast forward several years to my move to the big city, and you'll find this girl and I walking down the city streets, oohing and ahing over the beautiful (and tasteful!) lights in store windows and on street corners. She still likes the lights, and this time, I agree with her. :)

The music. I love Christmas music. I love the melodies, the lyrics, and the simple reflection on the humble manger scene. I've always played Christmas songs on the piano... and when the music gets too big for my tiny, fingerless hands, I let the little girl (now a big girl!) play them for me. Sometimes they get too big for her hands, too, so she leaves out a few notes. :)

The excitement. As soon as I arrived back in the country from the big city, I could feel how excited everyone was for Christmas Day. Little children squeal in delight about how they can't wait for Thursday. I spent time wrapping gifts and getting them under the tree. We're all ready and waiting for the big day. Christmas Day, we've always come down to the tree and found what's in our stockings. (I always crawl inside my stocking to make sure I didn't miss anything at the bottom.) Then, we have egg-nog, scrambled eggs, and coffee cake for breakfast. Our gift party is last.

THE SNOW!!!! I think we might actually have a white Christmas this year. I was snowed in on Sunday, and the wind is howling tonight. I know country dolls are supposed to be practical and realize how annoying snow can be... but I guess there's enough city doll in me that I find the snow romantic and special. I love how the world looks when it's white... :) (Besides, I don't think anyone would ask a little doll to move the snow... can you see me with a scoop shovel?)

Jesus. He's the reason for life, let alone Christmas. Without Him, we wouldn't exist. I'd say that's reason to celebrate, wouldn't you?

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Reflections on the semester

2008-12-21T12:16:00.000-06:00

Well, I survived. :)

Actually, I thrived. I'm sorry for not posting sooner, but time got away from me. With Old Testament papers, Doctrine quizzes, Music Theory assignments, and piano practice, I've been a bit busy. When I wasn't occupied in those ways, I was in class or spending time with my friends. I was so busy thriving that I never had time to blog. :( Now that Christmas break has arrived, I'll try to catch up on some blogging as well as sleep.

As I look back on the past semester, I'm amazed at a whole host of important lessons that God has taught me. The one that stands out is the importance and craziness of love... God's love toward me, my love toward God, and my love toward others.

Let's start with God's love toward me. I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan (which I highly recommend, by the way). The book talks about how insignificant my life is compared to the greater scheme of the universe. God doesn't need me. God is completely sufficient in Himself (see Acts 17:24-25). To illustrate, there is a common comparison of life to a plotline in a movie or book. "Turning over a new leaf," "a new scene in the drama of life," and similar expressions are used frequently. But all of these figures of speech make the gross assumption that the movie of life is about me. In reality, it's about God. I probably don't even qualify as a supporting actress. Chances are, I'm an extra that appears for less than a second.

If this sounds humbling, it should. It's only once we're duly humbled and put in our place, and we realize how stupid, arrogant, and egotistical we have been that we can truly appreciate God's love for us. We have to realize that we're all tiny dolls compared to Him. Yet God -- the one whom this life is really all about -- cares about us. He loved us enough to send His Son to die for us. He could have started over from scratch, but He didn't. This blows me away. It's a kind of crazy, unconditional love that should bring me to my knees.

That's where my love for God comes into the picture. When I think about the greatness of God's love for me, and I realize how meager mine is in comparison, I see a huge problem there. God is so big, I am so small. He sent His Son to die for me, and I respond with trying to fit Him into a little corner of my life. God wants everything, not just a little corner. He wants me to live my entire life out of love for Him, doing it for His glory. This is easier said than done, because it manifests itself in loving others.

I joined a Bible study with some friends this fall, and in studying the book of 1 John, I've been pondering what it means to love other people. Loving people unconditionally (the way God clearly calls us to) means loving without expecting anything in return, with no strings attached. It sounds easy, but try it. To love others with no strings attached is to respond in grace, even when they don't. It is to put their interests ahead of your own, and to expect that attitude to be one-sided. All too often, we plan that loving will be mutual. We think that other people will respond in kind. (After all, how could you not love a little doll like me??)

When we're met with any resistance, we say that we "tried" love and it didn't work. Hmm... last time I checked 1 Corinthians 13 says that "love never fails." That's a hard one to swallow. Even if I can't see the benefits of this love, it still didn't fail. Besides, we're called to unconditional love. Love that insists on being mutual is no longer unconditional. The requirement of being loved back becomes an attached condition, and that's not the kind of love God expects.

It's hard to live life this way, and over the past weeks I've been realizing more and more how disgusting my attitudes are. I blow it so often... which is why it's so amazing that God loves me at all.

Well... pondering unconditional love, writing blog posts, and thriving in general are all a bit tiring, and I still haven't caught up on my sleep since finals week. See you later!

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

P.S. -- This post makes that signature have a little more meaning, doesn't it? By God's grace, I'll try to live up to it... but can you love me even when I don't?

Fire drills, hay fever, and mariachi music!!

2008-09-26T22:30:00.000-05:00

I experienced my first fire drill on Wednesday morning during my doctrine class, and I was rather unimpressed. Everyone calmly filed out of the building, acting very nonchalant about the whole thing. While they assumed it was a drill, they had no way of knowing for sure. I would hate it if everyone acted that calm and bored during a real fire situation. My fabric is already worn enough without getting it singed.

In other news of note, my hay fever is back. My head hurts, I'm tired, and one of my ears is pressurized. It's one thing to know that you have a head full of stuffing, but it's another thing entirely to feel it... :( I started my Claratin yesterday, so hopefully I'll be feeling better by Monday.

Yesterday was a friend's birthday, which was fun. We celebrated by going to a mariachi concert in the park. I clapped along to the music! This concert was just the break I needed after a stressful day. I'm starting to learn to take purposeful breaks from homework and piano practice to just relax. After all, you can't be tough all the time.

I took another break from studies tonight to watch a comedy routine in the student center. I enjoyed it immensely. Comedy here is fun and clean, avoiding inappropriate humor and poking fun at some aspects of life typically ignored by secular comedians. The segments on class and dorm life here were especially entertaining, as was the song about the broken elevator. I also liked the segment on "Adventures in Odyssesy." I had a good laugh, and I enjoyed my first drink from the campus coffee shop. A mocha... mmm...

The mocha is starting to wear off, though, and my exhaustion from hay fever is returning. As much as I would love to stay up and keep blogging, I think it's bedtime. :) Even a doll like me needs to remember Psalm 127:2 -- I'm not the Energizer Bunny, you know. Good night!

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Homework, etc.

2008-09-21T17:02:00.000-05:00

So I've been told I need to blog more often. I'm sorry for the delay, but honestly... it's hard to keep up with all this homework when your head is full of stuffing. :)

This semester, I'm taking four classes in the classroom setting, in addition to women's choir, oratorio chorus, and piano lessons. (I know my hands are a bit small for a pianist... but I try really hard!!) My other classes include Old Testament Survey, College Writing, Music Theory III, and Church Doctrine.

I have discovered rapidly that college involves homework. I constantly have a chapter in my theology book to read, or an essay to write for writing class. When I'm not doing that, I'm practicing piano, preparing a sight-singing exercise, or doing a part-writing assignment for theory class.

The class which requires the most homework by far is Old Testament Survey. I am required to read the entire Old Testament this semester, and write four papers on it. I read the book of Joshua this afternoon. While at first, I was extremely intimidated by the workload for this class, I'm discovering that reading the Bible so quickly gives me a different perspective. Normally, I prefer to read a chapter or two and chew on it for a while, meditating on words, phrases, and verses. But reading a book in an afternoon gives me an entirely different perspective: I see the Israelites' conquest of Canaan as a whole, not as a chapter here and a chapter there.

In addition to homework, I also have a couple jobs. (I know... what else is new?) I'm a student accompanist in the music department, and I also serve at a church as the choir accompanist. God has been so gracious, as He provided this employment within days of my arrival in the city.

Overall, the adjustment to city live is going well. I'm starting to learn my way around; I went to Walgreens the other day, and have also ventured out to a park for concerts. I got to hear an opera concert a couple weeks ago. (Are you jealous?? :P) I'm making friends here at the school, and their fellowship is awesome. I love being able to chat about Christ, music, and life in general with the same people.

Well... I'd better sign off. Look for another post soon... maybe in between reading first and second Samuel?

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Taking a nap and gaining perspective...

2008-08-29T15:33:00.000-05:00

I took a nap yesterday.

This may seem like an average, run of the mill thing to do... nothing related to being in the big city. This nap, however, stemmed from something much bigger.

I've discovered over the past week and a half that there are lot of things for a doll to do in the big city. I have classes that require homework and attendance (even if I am too short to be noticed), and piano practice to do. I have a job to go to, and I have paperwork to fill out. I also have a blog to write. :)

Somehow, in the midst of all these things, I'd forgotten the most important one. Letting my Bible homework fill in the place of my devotions, or simply offering up a quick prayer as I dashed down the stairs to an eight o'clock class, I neglected to simply sit before the Lord and take in daily nourishment from Him. I didn't turn to Him when the stressors came my way; instead, I just went on, trying to solve it myself. Eventually, however, trying a task that is far beyond my strength led to one place: emotional and physical exhaustion.

As I lay down for my nap, I wondered to myself why I was so tired. I went to bed early last night, and got a good night's sleep. But as I started to fall asleep, it all came together... and by the time my nap was over, God had shown me what the problem was. Forgetting to depend solely on Him for my strength left me weak and spent. If I had simply trusted in my Savior and looked to Him for the energy to get through the day, feeding on His Word and stopping to listen to His counsel, I would have had His strength and perspective.

God led me to this passage during my devotions yesterday afternoon. Psalm 62:5-8 reads, "For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."

It's easy for a doll like me to get tossed around when I don't have my eyes set on the One who's holding me tight and not letting go, loving me as His own daughter, and molding me into the person He wants me to be. But when I pour out my heart before Him, trusting in Him as my salvation, He brings everything back into focus.

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Making the move!!!

2008-08-21T18:29:00.001-05:00

I have finally arrived in the big city. I rode down in a van, with all my stuff in the back. It was a long trip, especially when you consider it in doll years!! Once we got here and unloaded, it got a bit easier. That's me, sitting on the luggage. It didn't fit in two suitcases, like someone told me it should, but I didn't want to forget anything!

After we arrived, I decided to get unpacked. I had so much fun organizing everything. I'm in an apartment style dorm-room... there are three girls in my room. I'm still amazed every time I look out my window. I see these skyscrapers! Do you know how much taller they are then me?? I thought rulers were tall...

I'm having a hard time getting used to the security, too... unlocking every door before I enter will be something of an adjustment. It all seems a bit daunting now, but I'm sure that will change. Within a few weeks I'll be walking around like I've lived here all my life. Or, rather... being carried around... but you get the idea. :)

The most amazing thing about this place is the people. I'm surrounded by those that love and want to follow my Savior. Opening sessions with prayer, or handing out Bible studies at a meeting... it's all evidence of this amazing emphasis on Christ.

Well... I guess I should sign off for now. I'm might go do something... somewhere... at some point. Or maybe just sit around and look at the skyscrapers... :)

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Beijing 2008

2008-08-16T22:07:00.001-05:00

Taking a brief break from my busy packing, I decided to watch some of the Olympics. I have to admit... I actually prefer the winter games. I like the figure skating, the skiing, the half-pipe snowboarding, and all sorts of good stuff. Still, the gymnastics the other night was impressive. (I might be more flexible... but then again, I'm made out of cloth and old stuffing, not bones and muscle.)

While sitting here blogging, I just saw Michael Phelps win his eighth gold medal in this set of games. I find that mind-boggling. Most athletes don't win one medal... let alone a total of sixteen, fourteen of them gold (according to the NBC newscast I'm watching). It takes dedication and perseverance to be the kind of athlete that Phelps is. Talent is involved as well, of course. (Obviously, I'm never going to be an amazing swimmer, no matter how much time I spend practicing in the nearest bathtub.) Still, a swimmer like Phelps is not merely talented. He is someone who has taken his talent to unimaginable heights, setting his mind on his dream, and giving an example to us that we would do well to follow.

The Olympics got me thinking about the way we are called to treat our lives and our pursuit of Christ. The Bible often compares Christianity to a race, urging us to give Christ the dedication an Olympic medalist gives the sport.

The apostle Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 9:24-25: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable." In Hebrews, the author also urges us to run the race of life in a manner honoring to God. Hebrews 11:1-2 reads, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

If we applied ourselves at following Christ the way Phelps and other Olympic athletes pursue the gold medal, what would the results be? If we would persevere through painful circumstances and trials the way an athlete still finishes a painful workout or picks himself up after a fall, how great would our faith be? If we would set aside sin the way Phelps and his fellow swimmers work to remove anything that would slow them down, how much richer would our walk with Christ be? We have a greater motivation than Olympians... we have an imperishable crown waiting for us when we complete the race successfully. We have a better, more experienced coach... one who loved us enough to give up His life.

Let me conclude with Philippians 3:13-14: "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy

Erin Joy joins the blogosphere

2008-08-15T14:43:00.000-05:00

Well... it's time to welcome me to the blogosphere! A bit about me, you ask? I'm less than a foot tall, probably the shortest blogger on the internet. :) In a few days, I'll be making the move from a tiny American town to a big American city. It'll be easy for a doll like me to get lost in the shuffle, so I decided I'd share my adventures on the web for those of you who are interested.

I'm a very loved doll, having grown up in a stable home since the Christmas of 1990. I've been a lot of places already... to Bible camp, to church, to Mount Rushmore, to the Royal Gorge, and even to the backyard! I've helped with homework, piano practice, and playtime. With all this valuable experience, I'm sure I'll add great depths to the current wealth of blogging minds posting their thoughts on the internet.

I think it's time to sign off for now. I've got to keep packing for my big move. Look out city, here I come!!

With love from an absolute doll,
Erin Joy